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Teen Poetry #3
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Reaching, Yet Denied
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Reaching, Yet Denied |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people 
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No matter how she tries the world to her does not exist it spins just out of reach, the sun rises and her hope's renewed she reaches out a needing hand hoping to grasp at the life but denied are her dreams as the sun glides on setting in the distant land which she will never reach but living this never-ending cycle, waking each and every day she still reaches out hoping to achieve some meaning Any ideas for a better title?????????? |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
What a wonderful poem!! I loved it. I can totally relate, I know what it's like to have to keep reaching with no success for your dreams. A wonderfully worded post, can't wait for more! < !signature--> As for the title, I like it. It works, but if you want it different, I think just "denied" would be good because we all know what's it's like to be denied of our hopes at one point or another. ya know?? Happy writing..Love Always Jessica ~*~Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.~*~ [This message has been edited by StarPryncess17 (edited 10-05-2000).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Aspirations Denied? A Crushed Hope? Unfufilled Wishes? Those are just some ideas for a title. I liked this poem, it kind of hit home, like you're always trying for something you're never able to get. This never ending circle... try and fail over and over. Good work. Jenn< !signature--> "He's mastered the art, of looking sincere, his eyes have a way, of making you stay, don't look in the mirror"- Chely Wright [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 10-05-2000).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
"desperate faith" "hopeless thoughts" "idle hopes" A few suggestions from the ol' brain. Uhm, overall it was very eye opening. it made me think 'bout how lucky i am sometimes. jeremy r "I will know where I'm headed, 'cause I'm so tired of the suffering, I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection." ~DMX~ "Prayer III" |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
I am the worst with titles so I cant help you there...But this was a good piece of work...Thanks for sharing it!!! ~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~ |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
A mi me gusta! Concise, to the point, yet well said. I'm not a fan of excess verbage in poetry - from your work that I have seen thus far, you seem to have a wonderful grasp of/ability to create exactly the type of poetry I enjoy. Kudos on a job well done, and I hope to see more! Vreni |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I have no ideas for a title cuz if i came up with one, id use it for myself. Anyway, great poem!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thank you all for the great replies and title suggestions, I appreciate them! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
**bump in a cheap attempt to get more replies ** |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Um no sorry i dont have no titles i find it hard to name my own sometimes but n e ways good poem keep writing |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey there! This was great. I cold relate to it more than I want to...As for a title, I have no idea...Keep up the amazing work ~Carly Better days are on the way, my friend, just a ways on down the line. I believe that just around the bend, everythings gonna be fine... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I have only one thing to say about this poem. This poem needs to be "PUBLISHED" anyone out there who reads this ~*hint*~ I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very powerful words here....and I happened to like your title, but I'll think about some other ones. I enjoyed! *Krista Knutson* "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucious |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
No shame in a "shameless bump" hehe..I too have done it. I just do it nonchalantly...hehe I'm glad you could be so blunt about it! Loved the piece as I said before...~*~Being an angel doesn't mean having a halo, it means doing the right thing and wanting to make a difference...~*~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
lakewalker, what did you think about my titles? "I will know where I'm headed, 'cause I'm so tired of the suffering, I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection." ~DMX~ "Prayer III" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thank you all for the replies Jeremy-the one that I like the most is "desperate faith". I think I might either stick with the one I have now (I didn't like it at first but it's starting to sound not so bad) or change it to that one. Thanks for the help!  |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
hmmmm, I like the title as is, but if you want to change it, then change it to denied. I dunno. hmmmmmmm, i really like this one. Allysa ***It took a day to know Jesica, but it'll take years to forget her*** Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thanks for the reply Allysa, I'm the worst at picking titles |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I don't have any ideas for a title. Sorry bro. Good job on the poem though. ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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