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Teen Poetry #3
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You're supposed to
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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You're supposed to |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
You're supposed to be there for me. Where are you now? I need to know some answers, I need to know how. How can you say that you love me, when all you do is yell. I used to think that you loved me, but it's getting hard to tell. How can you say you'll be there? My support and my backbrace. You can't just say see ya later, or tell me you need some space. How can you say those awful things? They hurt me bad, You see. Were supposed to be so very close, you're supposed to protect me. You're supposed to answer my questions, cheer me up whenever I'm down. You're supposed to help me through these hard times, make sure that I never do frown. You're supposed to be like a band-aid, but instead you're like a blister. You're supposed to love me to death, you see, because you are my sister. [This message has been edited by heatherbear (edited 06-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 heatherbear - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Snickers Member
since 2000-05-25
Posts 88East Haddam, CT |
Heather, This is very well-written. I like the way u rhymed without making your words sound odd. Sometimes it's difficult to do that, but it flowed quite nicely. You definitely wrote this out of strong emotion, I can tell. You suprised me with the last stanza, which I especially liked, by revealing this poem was about a sister and not a guy. I hope that things work out with you and your sister. And keep hope, because the bond between two sisters is very hard to be broken. I'm sure everything will work out and I hope it does. Great work. ~<3 Alwayz~ **Nikki** ~*~*~*~*"We can complain because roses have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorns have roses." *~*~*~*~ |
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Vball Chickie1624 Member
since 2000-05-14
Posts 116New York |
Hi! I love this poem. It's great. I was really surprised by the sister part but it adds a bit of irony to the poem...Keep writing I'll look for you work! Luv ya, Danielle  "Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do." "The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say." - Anais Nin "Follow your own heart, not others." |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
i liked this poem, and as others that part about the sister in the last stanza was suprising to me too i guess you could use a little work on rythem, but everyone writes differently, and thats jus my style other than that i really liked it, it showed love denied and trust broken, maybe harsh words exchanged, the reader sees alot of that and i was thinkin first it was to your father, when i read that he hurt you (abuse?) but i read on and then i thought it was your boyfriend or "signifigant other" hehe...and in the end i saw that it was your sister, im guessing older, but thats jus a thought, as i said before, i really liked the poem alot, alot of feeling went into it and that always makes a good poem no matter how its written free to talk, CLB always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :) |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
yes i feel this way at times with my brother but i seem to find its because hes still young. your story is different i know but i'm just letting you know that your not alone. and if you ever need to talk email me anytime and also great work here and best of luck to you. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
this poem is beautiful!!!i didnt think that it would be for a sister though...i thought maybe a friend or a boyfriend...good job...its really nice!!! ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
Thank you everyone for you're wonderful replies. I just recently wrote this poem as i looked back about a year ago. Things are different now after a few major tragedies completely changed my sisters and my perspective on life. There is better stuff to do out there and if we focused on loving each other as much as we focused on not, look at what could happen!!! ~~Heather Bear~~ P.S- Go tell your family you love them!! You don't know when something might happen and the chance just slips right through your fingers. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It always hurts to be betrayed by a family member, but you just have to keep your head up. Be your own band-aid, my friend. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
Thanks so much everyone!! Keep up the great work!!! ~~Heather~~ |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful HeatherBear! Lovely poem ... excellent expression! There are 5 years difference between myself and my sister, and for a few years, we drove each other crazy. Many years later, I'm happy to say, she's my best friend. I'm glad to read you worked it all out, and I will go call my family right now! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
i liked your poem so much, that i looked in the archives. i found that this one caught my eye. i read it and it bled with pain. and, as everyone else has pointed out, the twist at the end is what drived the knife in to the hilt. very fantastic writing. and if i may say so, i don't get along well with my family either. i have found that the only person that sticks with you thru everything is you. as close as your family is (or should be) one should only rely on them, not depend on them. again good work. i dig your talent and style. We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
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ConderE Junior Member
since 1999-08-14
Posts 29TX, USA |
This was a great poem. The end was a shocker... and nicely done. I hope that the problems that inspired you to write this poem have been resolved. I also intend to take your advice and tell my family how much I care for them because you never know what the future holds. Keep up the wonderful work. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
SHOCKED!!! That's my reaction in the end of this poem. It had all the works of a lover, and you'd never really know it's about a family member. Great work Heatherbear. The only thing about the poem, I was just wondering, so don't get mad. Seems like you're asking all this from her, have you sat down and even thought that she might need it from you too. Are you giving it back too is where I'm getting at? Hope everything works out for you and your sister. Remember this, no matter what, your sister is still your sister. Blood is blood. |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
I this this a great Poem. I think i can understand where your coming from. I hope things work out between you to. Lovely_kris |
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Kittie Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103 |
The ending was so powerful, and there is a strong message and emotion. Wow, is really all I can manage to say. I really hope things are working out between you and your sister, and if they're not, I hope they start to and always will. The rhyme also worked very well, and it's a great poem. I'm glad you have posted it. Kittie |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
I really enjoyed this poem. Do me a favor and work things out with your sister. You never know if something will happen to her. Loved the poem. Keep it up. Chel "True friends stab you in the front" "Always do your best, you will always succeed" |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
Thank You all sooo much!!! acire- thank you for your wonderful advice! I have tried so many times to solve my problems and they never worked. Once I gave up, I realized how precious our sister bond is. We are doing better now except for the fact that my sister has a very bad temper, but with all your help, I will work harder!!! Thanks forever! ~~Heather Bear~~ |
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Rachel Turner Junior Member
since 2000-07-15
Posts 16Judsonia, Arkansas |
WOW!!! I never expected the poem was talking about your sister!!! Your poem is awesome! I think what makes this poem so awesome is that no one expects it to be a sister!!! very good writing!!! Keep it up!!! *RaChEl* |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
Thank you for your reply! I appriciate all of your guys's kindness!!! ~~heatherbear~~ |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
coulda swore I replied to this...sorry! At any cost this is a wonderful poem and I know how you feel. I'm so very sorry that your sister is treating you so unfairly!! At first I thought it was about a lover not a family member...guess I was wrong!! I wish it would have been about a guy...instead of your sister...then at least it would lessen the blow a little...you know? This treatment from a family member hurts, and i'm sorry you have to deal with it! Keep your head up...you're in my prayers! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~ *~* I wIsH I wAs A LiTTlE gIrL aGaIn; SkInNeD kNeEs AnD bRuIsEd ElBoWs ArE eAsIeR tO hEaL tHaN a BrOkEn HeArT!*~* |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Wow what a powerful poem. It hurts when someone close to you hurts you like that. I would just like to know why you didn't make this one a book submission. It would have been up there with the best of them Next time think about making your poems book submissions, I can see that you have talent. It's in every word that you write, you have a passion, don't give it up. Love Always, Shell. |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
Thank you for your replies!!! Unfortunetely, I did not know much about the book when I wrote this but I might submit it again to put it in the book. I am still thinking about it!! Keep up the good work> ~~Heather~~ |
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