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Teen Poetry #3
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Whats going on? (if you have time plz reply)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Whats going on? (if you have time plz reply) |
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branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI 
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What is going on? The earth is dissapering before my eyes, I get all scared, It seems like no one is here, Where did you all go? I am so scared plz someone come and cuddle with me, The only person I loved has left me, Now it all seems weird and frustrating, What to do now I dont know, Should I forget about it? Or should I let it kill me and die of the pain. Its really hard on me right now, I dont know what just happend, It all happend so dang fast, She droped me so fast I couldnt even look back, I miss her but, in a good way I think it helped me out a lot, Im not so sure but maybe someday that one girl will help me, When she comes I will be waiting for her to take me. Take me to that beautiful place called love, I have never been there for when I tryed, I got shot down by the one I loved. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Branden Jacobs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Wow, your poem is overflowing w/ emotion! I like that style. One suggestion I have for you is that I read a reply of your's to Pixie? I think? You told her she deserved way better than the guy who turned her down. Well, you deserve happiness also! Be cool. *~Meredith~* I'll just keep on laughing, Hiding the tears in my eyes... *Oleander |
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shadydaze Member
since 2000-10-02
Posts 85 |
WHAT AN EMOTIONAL PIECE. |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
that was amazing! It was so emotion filled. I loved it, keep up the great work! ~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~ |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Branden~ This was a really good piece...But I am wondering what does this part mean: I got shot down by the one I loved. I dont really understand it...Because in the beginning you said: Should I forget about it? Or should I let it kill me and die of the pain Can you please help me out and explain this to me...Ohh and go and look at my reply if you havent seen it yet...To the haiku called "Feelings"...I explained to you about that one... ~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~ |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Time is the creator and destroyer of all things...including love. Let time be your guide, it does not fail. Jeremy Curse not upon love, for it is the greatest of great things. Be it not love that curses you....but thy lack thereof. -J.D.H. |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
hey! i am so sorry about this situation! it sucks.... but you will find someone that actually deserves you!!! great work once again!  |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
hey! i am so sorry about this situation! it sucks.... but you will find someone that actually deserves you!!! great work once again! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This piece does have a lot of emotion to it. I like your style, it's totally different. You don't follow the traditional way of writing poems. keep writing I do have one suggestion though, pls don't take it wrong but it's probably just my ignorance in reading poems. It's about the line "i miss her but," i think it would be better to connect it to the next line cause i kindda missread it the first time as it's own line. you know what i meean. well, it's probably just me. keep writing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
HEY! This was really powerful and emotional. Sometimes I don't know what i'd do if I couldn't get my emotions out into a poem. Some of the poems I write don't even make sense cause I'm so angry or frustrated. lol ok rambling!! But this was awesome and dont be afraid to post a poem even if it doesnt make sense! Not saying this one doesnt cause i know exactly what ure feeling..and im digging myself a hole here. ok thats all Keep your chin up~!*DQ*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
LyricFetish,Shadydaze,sweetstuff101,erin,Jermy,Pixie,acire,and last but not least dancinqueen hey thanks alot but hey this poem is not written about me it came to me yeah but i dont ever hardly write about myself i can like write like rappers rap ya know it just comes out and i put it in the best form...o ya whoever asked about the lines being together it was a mistake im sorry "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger" |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
OOOOOOh ouch ouch (wince, wince). Well, all that was this poem tearing into an emotional scab of mine. It wouldn't have been able to do that if it wasn't well written and chocked full of emotion. Good job! jason  I'm not concieted...I'm convinced. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Branden- I like this one, it's filled with emotion. When I read it wasn't about you I thought, "wow, he did that without experiencing it?!" Anyway, great writing man |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Ya hey thanks a lot i write out of experience ya but not personal, i write about my friends or for them. I cant go 2 minutes without having to write sumthing down thats going on with my friends or whatever i try to write out of the blue and i kinda brings out the best work ya know not all poetry has to be personal of from experience. "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger" |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hey this piece means a lot to me since i just turned it into a college to see what they thought and to see if i could get a full ride scholarship for writting poetry and im waiting for a reply from them but in the mean while will you guys tell me what ya think i mean if i would make it "put the name of the person u love, not in a heart because they alway break but put it in a circle which last forever" |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
I know exactly what you feel like, being left alone by the one you love. But I honestly think that if they could do that to you, then they didnt deserve you in the first place. Just remember that if someone is meant to be in your life, then they'll fit in somehow. |
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Tia Junior Member
since 2000-05-05
Posts 41massachusetts |
i like your poem. it is very emotionally stressing and it shows love and caring for another being. good job! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very good, it's cool that you can write that personally about a topic not occurring to you. Good job! Jenn "Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow branden, it seems you've caught the eye of many with this one and I can see why! It's great and i loved it! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
I myself belive that this is a wonderfull piece i dont think i couldve wrote about it n e better. I read it and i read it and finally it comes to me....I wrote this. you see it doesnt really sink into you that you do great work untill soo many ppl tell you like so many have told me here. ya know thanks alot guys i appreciate it alot "put the name of the person u love, not in a heart because they alway break but put it in a circle which last forever" |
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curlygurly Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 276USA |
wow that was so sad. don't worry i felt the same way when i got dropped like a fly but you'll be ok. keep smiling Curly "So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside" -Lenny Kravitz |
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