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!!!
Member

since 2000-08-12

Posts 137
VA (U.S.A)

0 posted 2000-09-17 03:59 AM

Life, a long journey
In which our own path we weave
To best suit ourselves.

Some find their paths cross
With others, together they
Share one destiny

And then there are those
Whose paths are just best left to
Be traveled alone.

< !signature-->

-"There is an exception to EVERY rule, even THIS one."

[This message has been edited by !!! (edited 09-17-2000).]

Virgin Suïcide
Member

since 2000-08-11

Posts 319
Netherlands

1 posted 2000-09-17 08:10 AM

hmz...I really liked your poem!!!

but I guess that there's always SOME1 who will be on your path...

luvz, VS

I dream about how it's gonna end
Approaching me quickly
Living a life of fear
I only want my mind to be clear...
~*~silverchair, suicidal dream~*~

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-09-17 09:49 AM

"Life, a long journey
In which our own path we weave
To best suit ourselves."

Wow!!! These lines alone are a perfect Senyru! Have you been purposefully working to create this format? Very well done! These are no easy tasks. You've followed the 5-7-5 syllable pattern here perfectly. Very well done.

I only tried this style recently after a poetic friend challenged me ... I'll point you to the thread because there's a lot of examples right throughout the responses, as they kept challenging me LOL!

/pip/Forum33/HTML/002198.html

Nan's Workshop describing Senyru, Haiku and Tanka Poem Formats: /pip/Forum22/HTML/000057.html

Really well done !!!

Best wishes,
/Kit

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 09-17-2000).]

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

3 posted 2000-09-17 12:21 PM

!!!~~~Good work!!!Made me think...About life and all that other good stuff we go through...

~*If I was to die & could be 1 thing I would be a tear born in your eyes live on your cheeks and die on your lips*~

!!!
Member

since 2000-08-12

Posts 137
VA (U.S.A)

4 posted 2000-09-17 06:56 PM

Virgin Suicide: Im glad you enjoyed my poem, and you could be right about someone who will always be on your path (even though it doesnt seem like it sometimes...)

Kit: Thanx for your opinion, very much. In response to your question, yes i was working for that 5-7-5 format. Im glad you enjoyed how i did it, and thanx for those sites. Ill be checking them out soon.

Erin: Im glad my poem was able to do that for you, and im doubly-glad you enjoyed it! I had somewhat thought about it before i wrote about it, usually i end up talking to myself about it, or dismissing it, but since the computer was there...BAM! Here it is!

[This message has been edited by !!! (edited 09-17-2000).]

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