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Teen Poetry #3
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one Chance (a repost)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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one Chance (a repost) |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again 
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*normally i post things in "open poetry", but i got a lot of feedback from the last one i posted in here. so here is an old one. i'm trying to get past this writer's block i've been havin by reading all of your poems as well. so enjoy.* one Chance The caffeine pills won't keep me up forever. I'll need the Sleep sometime. Dream the nightmare of your face; Hear the pretty laugh that makes me cry. You can have the rest of your life; take all the time and space you need. I hate to put any words in your mouth, but you won't ever talk to me. I'll never get a second chance to see if we'd be better or worse. I'll never get that second chance because I never got the first. The Prozac won't pep me up forever. I'll have to Feel one day. It's too bad the day that I felt was when you ripped my heart away. "You weren't looking for a relationship", but you've found this "real sweet guy". It's amazing how you destroy a dream while looking the dreamer in the eye. I'll never have that second chance to say my heart was ready to burst. I'll never get that second chance because I never got the first. The razors won't make me bleed forever. I'm gonna have to face my Fears. You'll never remember me but I'll have the scars as souvenirs. I promise myself this is the last goodbye. I promise you're in the past. I hope that your neck stays healthy; you jerk your face away so fast. I'll never get a second chance to tell you how much it hurts. Don't think I'll need that second chance; I said it all with the first. We are the middle children of history. We have no Great Depression, no Great war. Our Great War is a spiritual one. Our Great Depression is our lives. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Ahhh, Ethan! This is two posts in a row that I have been incredibly impressed! I am most DEFINITELY going to make it a point of going over to Open to read more of your work. Once again, your structure is highly creative, lending itself to the overall flow beautifully. I love the emphasis w/ capitalization Sleep, Feel, and Fear. Kudos on a job well done, can't wait to see more! Vreni |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
alright this is great work at play and i also will read more of your work i enjoy it all very much thanks for posting this. I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD START POSTING MORE OF YOUR POETRY HERE... THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL POEM...I HOPE THAT NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. ITS ALL MAKE BELIEVE JUST A POEM RIGHT??? BUT IF ITS NOT I FEEL YOU.. I FEEL YOUR PAIN..NO GIRL IS WORTH GOING THROUGH ALL THAT SUFFERING AND PAIN FOR YOU..I WOULDNT EVEN GIVE THE GIRL A MINUTE OF MY TIME IF I WERE YOU.. WHAT WOULD YOU NEED A CHANCE IF SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO GIVE YOU HER TIME..ITS NOT WORTH IT..YOUR POEM IS TOUCHING TO KNOW THAT LIFE ISNT PERFECT.. MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN YOUR POSITION.. I WATCHED MY BEST FRIEND DYING IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF HER BOYFRIEND AND IT WASNT EVEN WORTH IT CAUSE THEY GAVE HER MEDICINE THAT KILLED ALL THE GARBAGE SHE PUT IN HER BODY SO SHE WOULDNT DIE.. I KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER DO THAT FOR A GUY..KEEP POSTING HERE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF YOUR WRITING!!!!!< !signature--> ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 06-21-2000).] |
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Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Ethan, No offense to the other awesome poets in here but this is by far the best poem I have ever read in here. I sincerely hope that you keep posting b/c I really like your work. While I can only pray that this is a work of fiction, I have a feeling that it's not. Specifically I like the lines "It's amazing how you destroy the dream while looking the dreamer in the eye". How true is that? You described the way I felt after a break up perfectly. I know the feeling about not having a second chance b/c you never got a first. It's one of those things where if you could just hold the person down for five minutes and make them listen then maybe everything would be ok. Well, in theory anyway. I could go on forever but I won't. Great poem and please keep posting. Love, Crystal P.S. Why is this not a book submisson, it most certanly should be!!!! Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
thank you all so much for your kindly criticism. i hate to burst any bubbles, but this one is actually true. except for the prozac. i probably could've used some, but i never got my hands on any. =) anywho, if y'all wanna check out some of my other poems, click the little archive icon that's on this post. you can look up all my originating posts. thanks for reading, and i guess i could post up one more... =) crystalina: i put up some other ones as book submissions. We all got somethin' we need to atone for. |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
You are such a great writer.This is these second poem I've read by you and it is just as overpowering as the last. The way you've structured it is very effective in getting across your emotions...as well as your words...sadness just seeps out of this. I love the lines: "It's amazing how you destroy a dream while looking the dreamer in the eye." I'm definately going to see more of your work... Keep posting! "You could be my unintended Choice, to live my life extended...." Muse "Even when we're apart we'll still be under the same sky," LJ Smith "Hiding in the musty attic is Elusive She sits, cross legged in a midst dark cobwebs Several forms scurry to seek shelter Beneath her levitating shadow. Her back rigid , eyes glassy Gazes intently at time escaping Sliding, smoothly, as sand sprinkles Through the hour glass, A single tear grazes her misty cheek." Lani |
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**AANGELLE** Junior Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 45 |
This is the first poem I have read as I've only joined this a few minutes ago. I am really impressed and I'll definetly be reading more of your work. I'll try to comment on all the poems I read. "I kmow someday you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be the sun, In somebody else's sky. But why? Why? Why can't it be mine?" - Pearl Jam |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear ethan_halo, this is heart-achingly magnificent... the verse flows as though carried on the waves of your sorrow and your modified repeating lines were true poetic genius... i particularly liked The razors won't make me bleed forever. I'm gonna have to face my Fears. You'll never remember me but I'll have the scars as souvenirs. absolutely incredible... i hope you post here more often  sincerely, a sad tomato you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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