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Teen Poetry #3
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Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

0 posted 2000-08-18 12:22 PM


empty are my dreams
since you left our perfect love
for I am alone

© Copyright 2000 Lakewalker - All Rights Reserved
Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

1 posted 2000-08-18 12:40 PM


this was really good...i like the soft, simple nature of this, but if i may ask...can you explain a senryu?   I've never written one and just heard of them here on the forum.

Thanks..
Salooma

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
2 posted 2000-08-18 12:48 PM


Senryu is like a haiku becuase it has 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the next, then 5 in the last.  The difference between them is that a haiku deals with a nature subject and a senryu doesn't.  Hope this helps   
Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

3 posted 2000-08-18 12:51 PM


thanks lakewalker...helps a lot  
guess they are both japanese forms of poetry...right??

salooma

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
4 posted 2000-08-18 01:22 PM


You got it.  Here's a link that explains more

Posted in the Poetry Workshop

Well, maybe I'll get to see a few of these posted from you soon?

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
5 posted 2000-08-18 11:37 PM


Very sad but very beautiful!  Nicely done!  

*Krista Knutson*

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-Barbara DeAngelis

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

6 posted 2000-08-18 11:43 PM


Ah! Refreshing is the word that comes to mind, Lakewalker!  Though it deals with a not exactly optimistic subject matter, it is cuttingly effective in the senryu style - not overly verbose or flowery.  Splendid!
         Vreni

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
7 posted 2000-08-18 11:55 PM


Short and simple, we all feel this at one point, just keep on a smile and prevail.

,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_.,



"I will know where I'm headed, cause I'm so tired of the suffering
I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection"
~DMX~ "Prayer III"

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
8 posted 2000-08-19 11:29 AM


Thank you everyone, it's always great to hear such inspiring words
Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
9 posted 2000-08-19 04:13 PM


lakewalker~~~this may have been short but it came out just perfect!!!short and yet soo good!!!keep up the good work buddy...

~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
10 posted 2000-08-20 06:46 PM


Thanks ERIN
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
11 posted 2001-03-30 04:21 PM


Aww.... this one is sad.  
Hope everything turned out okay, considering this was probably years ago.  
~Allan

Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it.  ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale)

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