Wishing (another lack of titling skills).

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SpitFire
Member Elite

since 2000-04-19

Posts 2396

0 posted 2000-07-13 12:20 PM

~Wishing~

~~~
silk ribbon bands 'round knees tickled shy
behind curtains soft of wrinkled linen
by a window wide with sea breeze air
and filtered sunlight skies.
~~~
resting there in scallop shell
concealing all the storms
breathing cleansing breaths ashore
wishing all was well.
~~~

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

1 posted 2000-07-13 12:36 PM

Title seems fine to me

Wishing all was well, implies that its not. Know the feeling..Great poem, as always.
Cat..

"If a man moves you to feel like a woman,
the least you can do is let him."
Merrit Malloy

kynder
Senior Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 537
Tallahassee, Florida

2 posted 2000-07-13 05:10 PM

this is absolutely beautiful. so wistful, so longing. i love this, firegirl!! this is one you should submit for the book!! truly excellent.

kynder

Across the gateway of my heart,
I wrote "No Thoroughfare!!"
But love came laughing by and
Cried "I enter everywhere!!!"

Herbert Shipman

Deborah1
Senior Member

since 2000-06-22

Posts 653
New Hampshire

3 posted 2000-07-13 05:15 PM

I loved all of it, resting there is scallop shell....beautiful words!!

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

4 posted 2000-07-13 05:40 PM

Very well done Spitfire. As far as titling goes, many, many times, a line, or partial line from your poem will become a very good title. In this poems case, my first choice would have been "Silk Ribbon Bands"...second would have been "Wishing All Was Well".

"Wishing" fits, but doesn't (to me anyway) have the same draw as "Wishing All Was Well".
And "Silk Ribbon Bands" is the essence of the whole piece to me.

Basically that's my method of choosing tiltles and most of my titles are taken from the piece itself; which doesn't make it right but it works for me.

Neat piece.

jwesley

Hardrock
Senior Member

since 2000-02-14

Posts 948
New Hampshire, USA

5 posted 2000-07-13 06:09 PM

SpitFire...I just can't find the adjectives to describe this...incredibly beautiful will just have to work for now. Hardrock

Wren
Member

since 2000-07-05

Posts 312

6 posted 2000-07-13 10:53 PM

This poems brought many memories of summer in Cape Cod. Thank you for this beautifly worded gem! Wonderful!
-Wren

The thread of destiny
Unknown by anyone
Unseen by anyone
Winds around your heart
Moist with tears
-Vampire Princess Miyu Theme

lotharingia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-04

Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany

7 posted 2000-07-14 10:03 AM

This one is simply wonderful. You have astounded me with your words. And I think the title is just right!

Lotharingia
"For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?"
Tom Holland

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