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poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia

0 posted 2000-08-15 02:07 PM


Delicate phantom laughter
Weaving intricate intangible patterns
That blanket a fading frame
Of humanity left to weeping

Voices filtering through distance
Chanting a long forgotten vision
Of childhood undeciphered
A mysterious language of lament

Follow the whispering song
Of the weakened flame that burns
Behind the soulless gaze
Of youth left disenchanted

A beckoning from far beyond
But originating deep within
Promises this broken sallow soul
If her life ends, infinity begins.

~Dawn


whatcha doing in this darkness baby
when you know love will set you free?
will you stay in the sea forever
Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live

© Copyright 2000 Dawn van Krieken - All Rights Reserved
ilph
Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 78

1 posted 2000-08-15 05:42 PM



wow the meanings in this one are endless. Im not sure who she is, maybe humanity as a whole, maybe earth, maybe some portion of 'disenchanted youth' somewhere, or maybe more personal. Whatever it is, it works on all these levels. Haunting imagery. What an amazing poem! ilph.

darkstar
Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230
Port Richey, Fl, USA
2 posted 2000-08-15 05:46 PM


Wow...I really liked it. The word you used described it very nicely.

Dark Star

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
3 posted 2000-08-15 06:08 PM


I agree, this is a beautiful, haunting poem. Take care
Cat....

Words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling, like dew, upon a thought produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions think.
Lord Byron

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2000-08-15 06:35 PM


Can I just say wow, because I can not say anything else this one has me speechless. Excellent poem Dawn.

"Beyond all this good is the terror,The grip of a mercenary hand,When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back, no last stand,"I.Curtis

poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
5 posted 2000-08-16 12:14 PM


ilph:thank you so much for your generous reply! just put a smile on my face (a much needed smile!)

darkstar: thank you!  

catalinamoon: thank you for seeing it as beautiful...you are very appreciated!

Brian:thank you! dont know how i managed to leave you speechless, but it sure has given me a boost!

~Dawn< !signature-->

whatcha doing in this darkness baby
when you know love will set you free?
will you stay in the sea forever
Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live


[This message has been edited by poutprincess (edited 08-16-2000).]

the applicant
New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8
england
6 posted 2000-08-16 06:10 PM


~poutprincess,
i loved the flow of this piece.
the following lines really touched me...
Voices filtering through distance
Chanting a long forgotten vision
Of childhood undeciphered
A mysterious language of lament


i'll be looking out for more of your work.


JSage
Member
since 2000-08-25
Posts 91
Nashua, NH USA
7 posted 2000-09-07 03:32 PM


absolutely perfect!  We have so much in common, Dawn.  I have a poem entitled the same thing!

-Jes

LM
Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585

8 posted 2000-09-07 03:53 PM


Wow... didn't quite get it at this hour... but I think it's great...have to reread it tomorrow  
Btw, I was thinking about the last one (get addicted), how you asked me to tell you if I got anyone addicted and how... Anyway, I think it's gonna take me longer than I expected, so, if anything... maybe you could write something about rehabilitation for me? I'm interested in how you get out of an addiction... OK? Thanks!

poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
9 posted 2000-09-08 12:35 PM


Jes: thanks once again for bringing one of my poems back!! i'd like to see your poem that shares this title....its nice to have things in common with people (even though i wish it werent the bad things we shared!).  

LM: always feel free to email me at anytime and i'll impart my psuedo wisdom upon you!! hahah...i will see if i can write a poem about rehabilitating from love...but right now..im addicted myself!!  

Thank you Both!!

"Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos



JulieAnn
Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754
Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!!
10 posted 2000-09-08 05:46 AM


this is intense and heavy...i liked it....my first time wandering around outside of open forums...gets a bit addicting....by the time I'm done there anyway...liked the weave this had in it...great writing!!
poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
11 posted 2000-09-08 05:53 AM


Julie Ann: thank you for coming to read me! alot of fun can be found outside those open forums! i appreciate your visit!
~Dawn

"Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos



LM
Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585

12 posted 2000-09-08 05:56 AM


Thanks Dawn  
I'll be looking forward to it!  

taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

13 posted 2000-09-08 07:07 AM


Dawn, very powerful poem! Loved it!  

"A poem should not mean, but be" - Archibald MacLeish

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