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Dark Poetry #2
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The Concrete Path
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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The Concrete Path |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia 
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I breathe in this thin lifeless air It's void of sound and taste But still i inhale From here the world is flat and finite I see the edge on the horizon Where it drops into oblivion Below me is the nothingness of daily strife Concrete paths densely crowded Eyes blinking in unison Arms held high over my head Like a mockery of the messiah And I teeter on the edge But this is where i take flight Heart in my throat, choking Wings on my soul Into eternity I take my final bow And the only force that can stop me Is the ground But still those eyes blink in unison As a fallen angel Meets destiny on that concrete path. ~Dawn< !signature--> whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live [This message has been edited by poutprincess (edited 08-07-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dawn van Krieken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~First I must say that I love this part... "But this is where i take flight Heart in my throat, choking Wings on my soul",....all of it, but this bit spoke to me. I enjoy your writing. Take care now. *Peace. |
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Beth Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 468WA, Australia |
~Dawn, You captured the mood brilliantly (not that you dont always) I like this..Keep it up. Your pieces keep getting better and better~ |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Into eternity I take my final bow And the only force that can stop me Is the ground But still those eyes blink in unison As a fallen angel Meets destiny on that concrete path. Dawn, my reading of this poem is the bustle of urban life, the coldness and indifference of crowds. That is just what I personally took away from the poem. I felt like I was right in the middle of it choking in the claustrophobia. Reminds me what I can look forward to when I return to the city in October to go to college. Wonderfully written poem. Can i have some breathing space here please!?! LOL.  "To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you," Joy divison |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
spitfire: thank you very much...i happen to like that part as well! Beth:stop all that flattery before i have to blush! LOL Brian:you are right about the indifference of crowd in busy places...but that was just a portion of the meaning..but thats ok..you took the safe portion! and in this poem, where im standing...plenty of room to breathe! thank you so much for your comments! whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Very interesting, the feeling was intense, and thoughtful. Great writing. cat.... |
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nicolette Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 42St. Paul, Minnesota |
This poem was very intense and beautifully written. I enjoyed it very much....thanks for sharing it. You're very talented. |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
catalinamoon: im glad the intensity came across, thank you very much for your lovely replies! nicolette: thank you so much, you are very kind! look forward to reading your work as well!  whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
This is intense indeed, but it also has a dream-like quality. Astonishing! Lotharingia "Dreams are life, reality, creation" Miguel de Unanumo |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Dawn, I'd better grab my Ventolin quick. This poem left me breathless with heart pounding. I loved the urban effect and the yearning at the precipice counterpart. Be well Kethry. "It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures; but it is the loss that shapes the image, gathers the flowers weaves the garland."- Cole |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
lotharingia: thank you! it does have dreamy quality..speaker is meant to be in a lost but dreamy state. glad you liked it! Kethry: breathe deep! dont want ya to get dizzy and fall off the edge! thank you so much for the reply! whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live |
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