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As I Lay Sleeping (tanka) |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida ![]() |
as i lay sleeping wet kisses fall from the sky your scattered secrets splashing upon my cool skin melting you into my heart "i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner |
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© Copyright 2000 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved | |||
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You have a way with imagery that is intensified in this poem! Love it. ![]() |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
PdV: this was my first attempt at tanka..i was pretty pleased with it myself LOL thanks for reading..glad you liked it ![]() dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
dg- don't know what tanka is, but i know i like this one. ![]() luv, tricks ![]() "I have read your words, and within them I have found your heart. -vlraynes |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
tricks: tanka??...LOL..i kept saying the same thing..someone was finally kind enough to explain it to me..i'll send you an email about it! ![]() thanks for reading me ![]() dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
I don't know what guidelines a tanka consists of either so can't comment on that. I too like this a lot. |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
childomine: tanka very much for your reply! LOL j/k ![]() ok guys..heres what kaile was kind enough to tell me: tanka is a 5 line japanese poetry with a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count..can be about anything.. ![]() "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
dg, very very nice. I love haiku, and love writing them. I think I could do this. I never really heard the term tanka before, I don't think. Do the last two line have to have some kind of poetic impact on the first three?. Parker Just came bact to edit and vote....that little box is too damn small, I always miss it. [This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 08-01-2000).] |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
LOL..thanks for the vote parker! and for reading ![]() no i dont THINK the last 2 lines have to have any impact on the first 3...just 2 more lines is all..< !signature--> "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran [This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 08-02-2000).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
sweet Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
deep imagination... well written If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
WOW I LOVE THIS very very cool.. i havent tried tanka yet.. been playing with Haiku and Senyru you did a fab job such emotional impact great writing take care jm |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Wow you say a lot in a few short lines.. wonderful images here....just great! |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
jamie: thanks you "sweet" thing ![]() avanti: thank you for your kind reply!! JM: SO glad you liked it!! your writing is great too ![]() ethome: thank you much for your wonderful reply!! i really appreciate that you all took time to read me ![]() dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Smiles to you for making me smile after reading this poem. I really like! ![]() |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
thank you JOY! glad i could make you smile ![]() dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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kaile![]() ![]()
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
dgvarner,sorrie for replying so late but am real glad that i made it to this one after all...this is such lovely imagery...pls do write us another tanka some time in the NEAR future ![]() hugs,kaile |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
I like your poem a lot, could you tell me what Tanka is, I'd really like to know |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
kaile and jose: thank you much for your replies..no prob on the lateness kaile ![]() ![]() hugs, dg "i'm growing/ i dont like it/ i'm growing and it hurts/ i love you/ but i'm tired/ i guess i've got a lot to learn..." -w. watson |
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