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Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

0 posted 2000-07-11 05:20 PM


The Steel Sonneteer
          or
The Tracks of Loneliness


You were long ago christened loneliness
Perhaps while you sang  broken hearts to sleep
With a melody of mourning you caress
Your gentle rocking urging eyes to weep
Heavy strains of melancholy softly ply
A sympathetic cadence of seduction
You've been a long and moving lullaby
Echoing hints of more hearts destruction
Play your sirens call elsewhere down the line
Sound your whistle of woe for someone new
I'll cross your trails- slowing at your sign
You'll let me know each time you're passing thru
   With those who've bought their tickets for your pain
   Because they love to ride the singing train

< !signature-->

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".  





[This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 07-11-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2000-07-11 07:13 PM


You were long ago christened loneliness
Perhaps while you sang  broken hearts to sleep
With a melody of mourning you caress
Your gentle rocking urging eyes to weep
Heavy strains of melancholy softly ply
A sympathetic cadence of seduction
You've been a long and moving lullaby
Echoing hints of more hearts destruction
-------------
Jamie
this is beautiful...
loneliness laced with seduction
slighly haunting...
very well written...
excellent metaphor use
I think i like the second title best...
but thats just me  
take care
jm< !signature-->

I think I could need - this in my life
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
MB20


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 07-11-2000).]

Siren's Song
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 17

2 posted 2000-07-11 07:20 PM


OOhhh Jamie.. what a "conductor" of words you are.. I could hear the rails singing the blues to me as I read this..
blessed be poetman!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2000-07-11 08:38 PM


Oh Jamie, this is amazing the description of lonliness hauntingly told, You do it well sweetie  
Excellent writting!  

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2000-07-11 08:49 PM


Yeah - wot Maree sed!

Lol - Jamie, this rocks!

Here are the lines that I just love:

'A sympathetic cadence of seduction
You've been a long and moving lullaby'

Wooow

K


epoet
Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa
5 posted 2000-07-11 09:00 PM


really good images here.  flows really well and can feel the pain of heartbreak.  great poem

P. J. Kotrch
carpe diem
A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
6 posted 2000-07-11 09:34 PM


lovely, lovely words, too lovely

Jamie, this is another of your great poems...

regards, sudhir

Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
7 posted 2000-07-11 09:46 PM


A wondeful poem Jamie.  You are really very good.

Marina


It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley


BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
8 posted 2000-07-12 08:20 AM


Wow, this is wonderful.  I could hear everything so clearly.  What a great piece this is!!! Bonnie
Geoffrey Sonnen
Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 142
Reading, PA USA
9 posted 2000-07-12 01:26 PM


Boy, Jamie, this is incredible. I was feeling a lot while reading this. I guess I picked up on the loneliness and the references to singing. It's really dream-like and beautifully sad. I'm voting for you.

           Geoffrey

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
10 posted 2000-07-12 07:56 PM


Vote  
Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
11 posted 2000-07-13 02:10 AM


Ooooo!  
Vote!

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
12 posted 2000-07-14 11:14 PM


Thanks to you all from the bottom of my no train riding heart!

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".


AVANTI
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664
INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE
13 posted 2000-07-14 11:40 PM


very well written...
agree with Janet

If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves
from which evolves the light...
Avanti Rao


Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

14 posted 2000-07-15 08:57 AM


well written.  enjoyed the read.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

15 posted 2000-07-15 09:08 PM


Great poem, Jamie! I enjoyed this very much!

Denise

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
16 posted 2000-07-15 11:55 PM


wow!  this is wonderful--i love it!  

dg


"i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
17 posted 2000-07-16 12:32 PM


Avanti-Mike-Denise-DGVarner

Thanks for reading, and for the kind reviews.

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
18 posted 2000-08-03 11:23 AM


Jamie, I believe this needs to rise... I would vote for the title alone... the following poem more than lives up!
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
19 posted 2000-08-04 12:36 PM


Marvelous! Voting here.
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
20 posted 2000-08-07 11:38 AM


Christopher and PDV,

Thanks, considering the source, high praise indeed.



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
21 posted 2000-09-02 03:22 AM


Your stop sir!! Take care as you step off the sirens sorrow songs rail ride !
Hugss<**>

Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
22 posted 2000-09-02 03:24 AM


Your stop sir!! Take care as you step off the sirens sorrow songs rail ride !
Hugss<**>

Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
23 posted 2000-09-02 03:29 AM


Toodles.. Two tickets for the price of one!!
Hugss <**>

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