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Open Poetry #9

Love Never Dies

MelissaL
Junior Member

since 2000-08-13

Posts 22
Joshua Tree, CA, US

0 posted 2000-08-14 01:37 AM

A thousand words never said
My love not shared enough
I remember your laugh, so warm and pure
Your loss was more than tough

I was only a child that day in March
My mind still growing with wonder
I couldn't accept that you were gone
My life turned a cloud of thunder

I wept those days I saw you weak
Your love was stronger than others
Your life started to fade and slip away
More than a best friend, you were my mother

Your hugs could cure a million frowns
Affection filled your heart
Whenever I was in need of care
Always there, you'd never part

Your soul will live forever, mom
The pain finally did subside
Although you are in a more beautiful place
You will never leave my mind.

P.S. I would love it if I could recieve some suggestions on this poem, how to make it better, or maybe just some comments. Thank you!

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

1 posted 2000-08-14 01:38 AM

your gonna here it first from me: PERFECTO!! NO?

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

2 posted 2000-08-14 01:47 AM

Dont change one word...its perfectly lovely as is

Tara Simms
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA

3 posted 2000-08-14 01:58 AM

I lost my mother as a young child as well. You worded this beautifully.

Take me as I am or watch me as I go

JnR4eva
Member

since 2000-08-07

Posts 377
Bronx, NY

4 posted 2000-08-14 01:33 PM

How dare you ask for corrections!!!! This is truly a wonderful, moving piece...MY lovely how you have moved me with you this tragidy...and this is one of your new poems, if not your first on Passions? This is truly touching melissaL and I hope to read more from you

and welcome to Passions

"my love is my motivation
my love is my inspiration
perception of this poem
is your interpretation"
-- me

BreyerRose
Member

since 2000-08-12

Posts 55
Easton, Pa USA

5 posted 2000-08-14 01:38 PM

This is beautiful and heart felt. Don't dare change a thing.

Hugs and Kisses,
Paula

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