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Open Poetry #9
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Seek Truth O Love - English/Shakespearean Sonnet (I hope)
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Seek Truth O Love - English/Shakespearean Sonnet (I hope) |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada 
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*Yipes ... went out on a limb here. I say "I hope" because unless I wrote one many years ago, this is my first English/Shakespearean Sonnet ... I'll eagerly await your final decision Nan (as I seem to have an extra da-DUM foot throughout)! Please do feel free to critique, as I'm spreading my wings a bit here and appreciate assistance. . Seek Truth O Love 'Twill our love, once discovered, dwell deeply within, Wilt thou promises made, never fade, nor grow dark, Shall I keep thy sweet words gently guarded wherein, All thy pledge of devotion, take merely to heart. In thy longing for closeness, what do mine eyes see, Far beyond all the vows and the covenants made, 'Mongst the fever of passion that stokes within thee, Lies a lust simply lingering, 'neath this charade. Hath my blindness betrayed cherished words spoken true, Shall I trust in thy offerings, spoken this night, Hast thou taken for granted this heart you pursue, 'Tis with caution I tread, as I ponder this plight. Nay, I fear all is lost to the heavens above, Lest thy words spoken true, in the throes of our love. . /Kit McCallum . . **Mark??? It's your turn for the challenge this time, my friend!  **Correction after Balladeer's help ... no challenge Mark, till I get it right myself! Smiling here! [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 09-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kit McCallum - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Kit, extra da-DUM or not, tis a lovely piece to read. Parker |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Kit, whether or not this is truly on target, you surely aimed at this Sag's heart and found your mark! Well done Lady! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
~Parker: Thank you Parker ... dat-Dum foot, not sure if I've covered all the others bases either ... but thank you!  ~Sunshine: I'm glad you enjoyed Karilea ... this Lady thanks you! Much appreciation to both, though I still am not sure if this is a proper sonnet, still learning and playing, had fun trying regardless. /Kit |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
It may not be a sonnet in the strictest sense but it is as beautiful as one! Denise |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Kit, it's excellent writing but off the mark for a Shakespearean sonnet, which is created using 14 lines of five foot iambic verse (10 syllables per line with every other one accented) still a good poem, though |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
~Denise: Strict was never my strong point that's for sure ... thanks for the beautiful Denise! ~Balladeer: Sigh ... guess I'll head back to the old drawing board. That's my "two left feet" getting in the way again, they're running off on their own rhythm! I thought I had an extra da-DUM too many (da dum, dum me) Thanks for the help Michael, I appreciate it a lot! Happy to be guided by you anyday!  Actually, after reading again, I see what you mean, I've gone: da-da-DUM, da-da-DUM, da-da-DUM, da-da-DUM all throughout, and I should have gone: da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM ... OK, I've got it! Thanks! Much appreciation, /Kit [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 09-21-2000).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Sonnet or not..I love this style of writing...James |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Kit, this is a great poem - It's got a good theme, it adheres to the Shakespearean rhyme scheme, and needs only a bit of tweaking on the meter - but you knew that already... I'll play with it a bit and see what I can come up with..  |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
~James: Thank you so much James ... guess I missed the mark, but I thank you for enjoying! ~Nan: I'd love it if you could tweak it Nan ... I've left it, because I couldn't get that meter out of my head to make it fit! It's like a big base drum that only knows one beat! Thanks!Much appreciation, /Kit |
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