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Open Poetry #9
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The Forest Path
| Open Poetry #9 |
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The Forest Path |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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The Forest Path (Experimenting with a new rhyme scheme) Early morning shadows moving in slow motion Slices of the sunlight between the evergreens Cutting through the morning haze Starting out my splendid days With fantasy’s emotion, following my dreams What is more enticing than a path inviting Walks through autumn forest in the hour of early dawn Breathing in the sweet brisk air Letting go of every care All alone delighting, as concerns of life are gone Myriad’s of colors brighten with the sun rise Crimson leaves remind me of a color I once wore Memories come creeping Why is it I’m weeping Can’t my lonely heart disguise the pain forever more Why does this enchantment for the lovely forest Always cause me sorrow instead of happiness It seems when walking all alone The joy of love that I have known Haunts me with the greatest grief that I must well confess Perhaps I shouldn’t wander this lonely path I’m taking Perhaps the morning sunlight through the lovely evergreens It is a beauty so divine That somehow deep within my mind I think of your forsaking my loveliest of dreams Elizabeth Santos |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
you are so very talented - My answer: then again maybe you should ~S~ for those may be false dreams (at least with him) and facing them a better path [This message has been edited by Wilfred Yeats (edited 09-08-2000).] |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
Oh, but that was beautiful! I loved the scheme and the meter was wonderful! Had a 'Road Not Taken' feel to it, imho. A beautiful and graphic poem. Trev. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Job well done Liz  I liked what I sawGood on you Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Elizabeth, I liked the flow and metre of this poem and I thought the unmatched first line gave it a sense of wonder. Be well Kethry "It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures; but it is the loss that shapes the image, gathers the flowers weaves the garland."- |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Myriad’s of colors brighten with the sun rise Crimson leaves remind me of a color I once wore Memories come creeping Why is it I’m weeping Can’t my lonely heart disguise the pain forever more Why does this enchantment for the lovely forest Always cause me sorrow instead of happiness It seems when walking all alone The joy of love that I have known Haunts me with the greatest grief that I must well confess ....... ...What can I say, I find this most breathtakingly beautiful... ...your experiment is a HUGE SUCCESS... regards sudhir |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Beautifully descriptive Liz! I enjoyed the change-up in tempo and rhyme scheme. You've tackled this new venture with wonderful flair! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
My friend~ You create so creatively ! Take a bow ! Love it. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
"You'll never walk alone," Elizabeth - This is lovely..  |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
ah this is wonderful....love the way this is written! ~Dawn "Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Wilfred, There areonly so many paths in Eastern Pennsylvania, and I've hiked most of them. I still feel lonely in the lovely woods. Thank you for your comment. If you liked it, I'm happy Liz Trew, THank you, I'm glad you liked the rhyming, but perhaps didn't notice the (attempted) internal rhyme in the middle of the last line to match with the first line. It needs some work Liz Tracie, Thank you , dear. It means a lot Kethry, Thanks for your remarks. The first line wasn't meant to stand alone, but to rhyme with the first part of the last line. It didn't work very well, but I can correct it Sudhir, Thank you, my friend, do you have any other schemes to experiment with? Let me know Kit, Being my twin, it seems like you should write one with this format. Thanks, dear for your lovely comments I've got to run to an appointment, will be back to finish this post Liz |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Marge, Thank you, for your sweet comments Nan, I don't really walk alone, it's just a poem. Thank you for the "lovely" Dawn,Very nice comment, Thank you Liz |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
It works!!! *S* Perfection as usual even when tackling something new. *S* |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
LIz---This form is lovely...and I do understand about the feelings on the path... Hugs, my friend...I love the poem! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
LIz---This form is lovely...and I do understand about the feelings on the path... Hugs, my friend...I love the poem! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautifully done! You never cease to amaze me! You seem to be able to do anything that you set out to do! Denise |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
ES ... this is unbelievable work ... can you say, "cut and paste?" ... loved it ... thanks. p.s. i do beg your pardon, as i've never sought your permission to call you, "ES" ... please say it's satisfactory< !signature--> My calling before me, let quill be my offering; For to be called poet, no greater gift to receive. M.A. [This message has been edited by MA Miller (edited 09-08-2000).] |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
The beauty in which you write is always so inspiring whether it be a sad piece or a happy one. Your experiment as you call it was a complete success. Love the way you pen. |
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