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Open Poetry #9
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Suits you fine, Mister!
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Suits you fine, Mister! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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Suits you fine, Mister! She stood there tearful. Under shadowed window-shades Of a house with a broken roof. I walked up to her. A kind gentleman that I was And posed these questions showing care. Girl, are you in a bother? With a house that looks destroyed - Cluttered into numerous bits and pieces? Or girl, is your heart a bother? A house with half-wishes stormed - Smashed into numerous bits and pieces? Tears continued to flow As she rubbed her eyelids Trying hard to stop their run. Or girl, are ghosts haunting you? Destroying the peace of your mind - Where lay scattered half-awaken dreams? Or girl, are old memories haunting you? Piercing your mind falling, nibbling at edges Reminding of pain, nearly forgotten? Still tears continued to flow. This time she just looked up, With a twinkle in her red swollen eyes. And she laughed hard, as hard as a witch! Her hair looked like a bad excuse for a broom. To an appalled me, she said "I had dust in my eyes"! I turned around and walked bemused. A whimsical smile, pronounced on my face, Kept repeating the words, "suits you fine, mister". ~ [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 08-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
 Well done Sudhir! This gem suits me just fine too! Much enjoyed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
ah fantastic! this is so lighthearted! enjoyed! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kit, What an encouraging response all around...Thanks... Glad that you enjoyed... poutprincess, I am happy that you enjoyed this one... regards to both of you, Sudhir |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Oh Sudhir--I love what you did with this...don't know whether to laugh or cry...great read! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Martie, choose to do one and do the other  Thanks for the kind words... Many regards, Sudhir |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
this is really excellent, sudhir! you have many great lines in here... i was that girl, i think..... still getting the dust out of my eyes.... seriously, very fine work! |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Sudhir* This shows your kind and gentle heart my friend.....there to offer your help...and yes that suits you fine  |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
another great poem Sudhir, eagerly awaiting the next produce of your pen. "I am melancholy, flower cutting through stone" manic street preachers |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Sudhir Iyer, This is so well done my friend, excellent writing, as all that I read that you write with your heart and pen. Very glad that I came by. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very foxy of you, sudhir! Jumping to conclusions is always a dangerous sport  |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Doreen, I am trying to imagine the eyes that looked back at me with a twinkle.. could have been yours... I am quite sure... Many thanks for reading butterflies~, Thanks a great deal for your kind words... brian, ever so appreciative... thanks Bill, And I am glad that you came by... Thanks... Sir Balladeer, Since then I have been wiser...  Thanks...regards to all, sudhir |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Great Sudhir loved the ending..well doneTracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Nice one Sudhir This has a whimsical serious undertone I feel? To be kind can sometimes hurt. Regards Jon |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
See what can happen when you respond to a sigh...or a tear? You tricked me...but I enjoyed it! Karilea When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sudhir~ How well crafted is this ironic little piece. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Tracie, Thanks a great deal for your kind response... and the Jon, This has a sort of undertone of sarcasm true... whimsical as you say... Thanks Karilea, I am sure you expected it to end some other way... Thanks for everything... Marge, Thanks a lot... well crafted sounds great... Regards to all, sudhir |
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Tess Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 288Australia |
A very clever twist at the end, but still those images throughout were very moving. An original piece indeed! "Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule."~ Samuel Butler ~ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Tess, Thanks for your lovely response... originality is what I seek to have... regards, sudhir |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
I agree with tess, you can just feel the caring and kindness....and the twist at the end turns into a smile because we have all been there, but you wrote it really wonderfully |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
As I have said before.....taking on the problems of the world one by one. This is so you and it suits you just fine. Well done again sir. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Great twist at the end, had us going, Sudhir! Corinne |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Do I love this? Yes, I do!!! Thanks! This is a great theme for the day, Sudhir...Of course, no one will know what I'm referring to, but they never do anyway, and yes, that suits ME fine, mister!!! LOL to you, gotta love ya! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Corazon, You think so? Thanks a lot... Mark, Thanks for your kindness again Corinne, Thanks for coming in on this one... serenity, LOL to you too... Thanks Cheers and regards to all, sudhir |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this is great! |
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