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Open Poetry #9
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2000-08-02 12:45 PM


Suits you fine, Mister!

She stood there tearful.
Under shadowed window-shades
Of a house with a broken roof.

I walked up to her.
A kind gentleman that I was
And posed these questions showing care.

Girl, are you in a bother?
With a house that looks destroyed -
Cluttered into numerous bits and pieces?

Or girl, is your heart a bother?
A house with half-wishes stormed -
Smashed into numerous bits and pieces?

Tears continued to flow
As she rubbed her eyelids
Trying hard to stop their run.

Or girl, are ghosts haunting you?
Destroying the peace of your mind -
Where lay scattered half-awaken dreams?

Or girl, are old memories haunting you?
Piercing your mind falling, nibbling at edges
Reminding of pain, nearly forgotten?

Still tears continued to flow.
This time she just looked up,
With a twinkle in her red swollen eyes.

And she laughed hard, as hard as a witch!
Her hair looked like a bad excuse for a broom.
To an appalled me, she said "I had dust in my eyes"!

I turned around and walked bemused.
A whimsical smile, pronounced on my face,
Kept repeating the words, "suits you fine, mister".

~




[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 08-02-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2000-08-02 01:15 PM


     Well done Sudhir!      

This gem suits me just fine too!
Much enjoyed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
2 posted 2000-08-02 01:21 PM


ah fantastic! this is so lighthearted! enjoyed!
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
3 posted 2000-08-02 02:03 PM


Kit,
What an encouraging response   all around...
Thanks... Glad that you enjoyed...

poutprincess,
I am happy that you enjoyed this one...

regards to both of you,
Sudhir

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2000-08-02 02:11 PM


Oh Sudhir--I love what you did with this...don't know whether to laugh or cry...great read!
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
5 posted 2000-08-02 03:56 PM


Martie,
choose to do one and do the other  
Thanks for the kind words...

Many regards,
Sudhir

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
6 posted 2000-08-02 04:06 PM


this is really excellent, sudhir! you have many great lines in here...

i was that girl, i think..... still getting the dust out of my eyes....

seriously, very fine work!

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
7 posted 2000-08-02 04:19 PM


Sudhir*
This shows your kind and gentle heart my friend.....there to offer your help...and yes
that suits you fine  

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
8 posted 2000-08-02 04:26 PM


another great poem Sudhir, eagerly awaiting the next produce of your pen.

"I am melancholy, flower cutting through stone"
manic street preachers

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
9 posted 2000-08-02 09:14 PM


Sudhir Iyer,
This is so well done my friend, excellent writing, as all that I read that you write with your heart and pen. Very glad that I came by.


Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
10 posted 2000-08-02 10:04 PM


Very foxy of you, sudhir! Jumping to conclusions is always a dangerous sport  
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
11 posted 2000-08-03 04:19 AM


Doreen,
I am trying to imagine the eyes that looked back at me with a twinkle.. could have been yours... I am quite sure...   Many thanks for reading

butterflies~,
Thanks a great deal for your kind words...

brian,
ever so appreciative... thanks

Bill,
And I am glad that you came by... Thanks...

Sir Balladeer,
Since then I have been wiser...   Thanks...

regards to all,
sudhir

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
12 posted 2000-08-03 05:39 AM


Great Sudhir   loved the ending..well done
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

13 posted 2000-08-03 06:20 AM


Nice one Sudhir

This has a whimsical serious undertone I feel?

To be kind can sometimes hurt.

Regards

Jon

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
14 posted 2000-08-03 06:42 AM


See what can happen when you respond to a sigh...or a tear?

You tricked me...but I enjoyed it!

Karilea
When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
15 posted 2000-08-03 07:03 AM


Sudhir~
How well crafted is this
ironic little piece.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
16 posted 2000-08-03 08:36 AM


Tracie,
Thanks a great deal for your kind response... and the  

Jon,
This has a sort of undertone of sarcasm true... whimsical as you say... Thanks

Karilea,
I am sure you expected it to end some other way... Thanks for everything...  

Marge,
Thanks a lot... well crafted sounds great...

Regards to all,
sudhir


Tess
Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 288
Australia
17 posted 2000-08-03 08:59 AM


A very clever twist at the end, but still those images throughout were very moving. An original piece indeed!  

"Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by
rule."~ Samuel Butler ~


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
18 posted 2000-08-03 09:52 AM


Tess,
Thanks for your lovely response... originality is what I seek to have...

regards,
sudhir

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

19 posted 2000-08-03 09:58 AM


I agree with tess, you can just feel the caring and kindness....and the twist at the end turns into a smile because we have all been there, but you wrote it really wonderfully  
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
20 posted 2000-08-03 10:01 AM


As I have said before.....taking on the problems of the world one by one.  This is so you and it suits you just fine.  Well done again sir.
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
21 posted 2000-08-03 10:15 AM


Great twist at the end, had us going, Sudhir!

Corinne

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

22 posted 2000-08-03 10:21 AM


Do I love this?  Yes, I do!!!
Thanks!  This is a great theme for the day, Sudhir...Of course, no one will know what I'm referring to, but they never do anyway, and yes, that suits ME fine, mister!!!

LOL to you, gotta love ya!

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
23 posted 2000-08-03 12:30 PM


Corazon,
You think so? Thanks a lot...  

Mark,
Thanks for your kindness again  

Corinne,
Thanks for coming in on this one...

serenity,
LOL to you too... Thanks

Cheers and regards to all,
sudhir

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
24 posted 2004-05-02 08:02 PM


this is great!
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