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Open Poetry #9
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| Open Poetry #9 |
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insert title here |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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For reasons both logical and not so logical this poem has no title nor does it wished to be named. Please select a title of your own choice. Special thanks to Ketry for the first two lines this poem is posted as a response to my inspiration challenge thread ( that does not make this a doulbe thread though, does it? sorry if it does.) ====================== Darkness surrounds me, all is lost up to this fragile sky I'm tossed, to and fro and over in violence current, emotions challenge high in winter torrent. My arms are stretched towards the skies Does the God not hear my cries? "Peace at least," I scream I plead I have been the victim, oh how I bleed beneath the waters of my bathtub, phantom infant kicks inside, little unplanted baby sharpens his knife wars are waged upon me, by the men always with authority again and again soldiers march on me, I am the rape victim of the rubble, the nun chained to the missile, the mother who birthed a thousand killers, and fertilised the flowers bound as the wreaths of Hiroshima. First world power supremacy, I am democracy the beggar with child dead eyed heroin junkie. This is a confession of nothing of importance. I am million loose ends on the hanging noose, the kick that throws the chair and forces life to black. In this dead time I am that single glimmer of hope…that tiny voice that says no. "I concede relationships have left me weak Won't be here so I don't care Look for something worthy to replace my guilt" Mansun legacy |
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| © Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Brian, Again you amaze me with your talent. This poem speaks volumes and with such a tiny voice. I would title this poem "That Tiny Voice" if I were to choose. You did well here Brian I love it. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
So do you come as a cricket?LOL....EXCEELENT writing here Brian. I enjoy your style greatly and I must say I have to read them slower than most as your depth is outstanding. You have a pure talent.  |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
would like to say to Kethry, great first lines!! as for the rest of this: "i have been the victim,oh how i bleed beneath the waters of my bathtub phantom infant kicks inside, little unplanted baby sharpens his knife wars are waged upon me,by the men always with authority again and again" these lines stood out most to me.... just about too deep for me, but, i enjoyed every bit of it. ~Dawn "Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
brian--your poetry has such power...you have a fierce heart...loved the last lines! |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
WOW! Brian, you have simply outdone yourself on this one! Excellent writing my friend. Marina It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen Marina Crossley |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Brian* I've read this through several times...and I'm sure will read it again and again as it's going into my "library". There is so much darkness and ache in this piece Brian...and then the glimmer of hope at the end....that small voice, so very hard to hear sometimes. Hugs my friend...this piece was very powerful and brought back many memories for me.....and now I will listen for the voice~ Incredible writing~ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Majestic .... Okay here's a title: Inserted: A glimmer of hope slicing surrounding dark insert it if you want to, but with poetry like this who needs a name?  regards, sudhir |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
The power of the pen at it's finest... "I am democracy the beggar with child dead eyed heroin junkie. This is a confession of nothing of importance." Wow!!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Great lines, lots to think about...challenge well met, I'd say! |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
great poem , I can see the struggles that so often play with our unconciousness minds. So often there is a deep inner struggle within that must come out, Are we our surroundings do we become part of our environment? are do we struggle to do the right things as we should. Does our conscious remind of our values. Loved this! |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
This was so powerful and deep....the way you have written this has left me a bit stunned....your talent just pours out of this. WOW! Jenn E |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, "Happy Days....the Lost Episodes" is out of the question. No, this poem doesn't need a title. It is so powerful none would do it justice....brilliant again |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Lost Dreamer, great title idea. I guess I see it as more than one voice in the poem, In fact the reason for no title is that I think the poem has a certain quality and I did not want it to be tied down or associated with one thing. Thanks for your very kind words. Mark, cricket? Jimney Cricket? No I am fluffy, the rabid rabbit. Thank you for your very generous words. Poutprincess, thanks for your reply. Martie, I guess my heart can be fierce when it wants to be, hear my roar..LOL.. thank you for your wonderful reply. Marina, all I can say is Thank you, my friend. BDC, I agree that the tiny voice is often lost in the chaos but when we do listen it calls with such power. Thank you. Sudhir Iyer, I loved the title suggest and thank you my friend for brightening both my day and my ego with your wonderful reply. Ladysixstring, all I can say is that these words mean so much to me, I accept them as humbly as I can. Thank you. Sunshine, thank you. Rosebud1229, thank you for your thoughts and kind comments. I guess I feel a sense of general conflict within myself and with the world so it prevails my thoughts a lot. Jenn E, thanks for your very generous words and the WOW. Balladeer, as the Fonze would say "HEH!" they are all happy days, just not when I write poetry. Is that comment a hint for me to lighten up, because you may not know this but I have a crazy sense of humour to balance my gloomy side out, he just does not write poetry. Thanks Balladeer for taking the time to read and reply. < !signature--> "I concede relationships have left me weak Won't be here so I don't care Look for something worthy to replace my guilt" Mansun legacy [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 09-03-2000).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I see what you mean about the title...so many good points that perhaps it could distract from the purpose of the poem...still I like "a confession". but it is your poem and these are only my thoughts...James |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I liked the title---I think it lent to the "take it for what is stance of this poem" very powerful---I love the little voice that says no...excellent work here. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Keep writing, I need this kind of verse...the ending was as powerful, as was the entire piece. Kathleen |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
you are one of the finest writers on this site... and one of the finest writers i have read... anywhere... and that includes classics... ok, so, i'm honest... so what? you're good... and i'm proud to know you. title? your title is wordsmith. thank you for allowing me to read. ~ all you can really ever expect out of life is a good apology and some decent poetry ~ |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
James, thanks for the title idea, the confession line was inspired by a line from the book "American Psycho" where the main character says "this confession has meant nothing." THanks for reading and replying. serenity, sometimes the little voice has to speak up. THanks for your lovely reply. Kathleen, no fear of me giving up writing, it seems to be in my blood, it is an addiction LOL. Thanks for your wonderful reply. Doreen, my ego just erupted, but just to clarify I am one of many fine writers at the site. I am completely bowled over by your words coming from a poet who I deeply admire and respect. I am off to find some humble pie. "I concede relationships have left me weak Won't be here so I don't care Look for something worthy to replace my guilt" Mansun legacy |
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