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Open Poetry #9
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Balladeer Knows What It Takes
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Balladeer Knows What It Takes |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion 
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Balladeer's plane, on a cross-country trip, Ran into a storm of rain, hail, and wind. The passengers were screaming and praying, They were sure they had all met their end. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumped up, "I'm not going to sit here and die like a cow!" "If I am going to die, let me feel like a woman," "I want a real man to please show me how!" She saw Balladeer's hand raised in the back, He strode up the aisle to meet her request. He shrugged off his shirt as he approached her, She stared at his well-muscled chest. Standing there right in front of her, Holding his shirt in his hand, "I'll make you feel like a woman. "Can you satisfy a real man?" Eagerly, she shook her head, Yes! Her hopes rose, her demands so pert. "Make me feel like a woman right now!" ‘Deer replied, "Here. Iron this shirt." That good ol' 'Deer - always sensitive to the needs of a woman - heh heh heh [This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 08-25-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Uh oh... |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Uh Oh! for sure... too much raw humour for the open forum, I feel... Moderators, better take note ... starts a bad trend pretty soon ... a spark ignites fire as they say... Not expected from men of Balladeer and LngJhnAg's calibre... Sorry My regards, sudhir |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
OK, kind Sudhir - a little editing didn't hurt at all - as for the rest of the lines, well... you had to have been there I guess. |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Uhhhh...a little course on 'how to win friends and influence the ladies!!!! Don't tell the other girls, but I thought this was really funny!!!! Good writing, pirate!! Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
rofl....yep that's the way to make her feel like a woman... if this is too risque for PIP perhaps we should stick to nursery rhymes...???? |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Local rebel, I guess you are commenting on my statement... perhaps you would be better advised to check what was written before the editing was done... sorry local rebel but the ridicule is not fair... for you knew not the words that were here before... Thanks for listening... And yes Sailor man, things are much better now... Thanks for understanding... we all honour some rules and guidelines... Cheers! regards, sudhir |
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ggrn3 Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433Nahunta Georgia U.S. |
Sailor Man  I don't know what was posted before, but I'm glad you changed it to the current post. I think this was tactfully done. Great humor. I'm still laughing  . If you and Balladeer keep this up, you going to have to pay my doctor bill. If your asking why, it's because I've cracked a rib.Garfield |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
don't take it personally Sudhir... we're equal opportunity ribbers...! lol |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
this one almost qualifies for svens challenge doesn't it? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Smooth line---but should be careful, last shirt I ironed for a man...well, let's just say that he was still in it...how's that for hot? hee hee hee |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Good Chris thinks that this is tasteless and offensive. He can't believe that anyone would sink so low as to devalue another human being in such a way merely because of their sex. He's shocked and frankly, sick to his stomach at this post. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Of course... it's all a moot point, since there is no such thing as a "good" Chris. LJ - This rocks! But let me tell ya... if Balladeer was a REAL man... he wouldn't care if his shirt was wrinkled or not...  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Chris, since Balladeer IS {~,^} a real man, I don't see what the fuss is about. BTW, I almost thought I was going to have to report an imposter but then YOU surfaced... [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 08-25-2000).] |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
perhaps the point of this joke is lost on some because they don't realize who the butt of it is... this is actually quite an old joke that is funny not because it puts women down... but for it's truth in that men behave this way |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
whew!!! had me worried about you there for a minute Chris... rofl |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Hey Hey LJ! There ya go stirring up trouble again!... and at a time when Sir Balladeer is run for the high ground in Florida. I was on that same plane years ago, so I saw this one coming a mile away. Well Mr. Not-So-P.C. it was fun to read all the same and I hope no one really got their nose bent. Peace my brothers and sisters... Peace! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
ROFL  I'll say it again, you are a riot!!Denise |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
ROFLMAO!!! Oh man this was terrific!! What an unexpected twist...or was it? |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Sheesh...I didn't know Balladeer even had a plane. *shaking head*  |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Actually, after pondering this TRUE story a little more, I realize now why I am such a wonderfully sensitive and caring guy - I love ironing my shirts (when I get around to it). Of course, most of you saw right through this poem when you read the part about 'Deer's "well-muscled" chest, which usually needs a good kick just to help him light a cigarette - lol. looking around in hopes 'Deer won't read this |
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linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Inside I'm smiling, but on the outside I'm not admitting that I thought this was funny. Oh, by the way, I don't do shirts or windows.... ha ha Have a good laugh on us, and I'm going straight to Balladeer to tell him what you said. See ya, Linda M |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
MEN actually are the brunt of this poem, not women. ROFL I never tho't 'Deer would be so callous, so cold, so cruel. (lucky I wasn't there, he'd have got more than he ironed for) LJA ya got some nerve telling all 'Deer's stories in public like this! *wink* ~H |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
grr my pooter is cold so it is cranky and double posted on me lol [This message has been edited by X Angel (edited 08-28-2000).] |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Linda - I suspect that 'Deer has already read this fine example of 'Deer-ology, and is hanging his head in shame for his callous treatment of that poer frightened female. Heather - Aha - you see the true depth of this TRUE story - I knew you would, I was counting on it, and I'm not the least bit surprised *wide-eyed shock* |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
hmmmm I am not so sure I understand all these poems for Balladeer anyone care to explain the background on all the fun you are having? ~~softly thanking you ahead of time Maureen |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Mo - All this frivolity harkens back to a time when we were merciless and in high spirits at the expense of one another, as only friends can truly be. Please feel free to join in. Naturally, since you are pretty new here, I should provide you with some gentlemanly advice - I am the only one you can trust. Don't trust 'Deer or Rebel or Toerag (especially Toerag). And watch out for Christopher, haleya (Parker), and a few others who will make you think that I am other than a saint *polishing my halo*. Remember, tell me every fantasy you have, and your secrets will be safe with me. heh heh heh, its lucky lil Maurine can't read these italicized thoughts, or she would see right through me, and then I'd be in real trouble. Remember, Mo, I'm your most trusted confidant *conspiratorial wink* |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Mo - All this frivolity harkens back to a time when we were merciless and in high spirits at the expense of one another, as only friends can truly be. Please feel free to join in. Naturally, since you are pretty new here, I should provide you with some gentlemanly advice - I am the only one you can trust. Don't trust 'Deer or Rebel or Toerag (especially Toerag). And watch out for Christopher, haleya (Parker), and a few others who will make you think that I am other than a saint *polishing my halo*. Remember, tell me every fantasy you have, and your secrets will be safe with me. heh heh heh, its lucky lil Maurine can't read these italicized thoughts, or she would see right through me, and then I'd be in real trouble. Remember, Mo, I'm your most trusted confidant *conspiratorial wink* |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
now you know I'd be the last one to say anything bad about that scalawag Long John Silver -- because I'd want everyone to remember what I said.... Trust me Moon... none of us can be trusted... |
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juliet_2u Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125North Carolina |
I am totally ROTFLMAO! You guys kill me,lol. I swear I just never know what to expect, except that I'll love it. Rock on you silly goofs. Juls |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Juls - Thank you for this encouragement. Now, remember, lil Mo is all a-trusting of me, so don't let her know what a real rascal I am, as then I won't be able to tell everybody all about her fantasies *wink*. BTW - Did I ever tell you that I am the only person you can trust??? *innocent eyes* |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Hey everyone...when LJA says he's INNOCENT that's your cue to call Lorelie...collect... |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Trust ALL of them, Maureen! These are the most trustworthy gentleman you will ever meet! Plus, they write some great poetry, so Why Not?, y'know? You have my word on this. And I am also to be trusted.  They're all just playing with you, these rogues! Trust me. Trust them. Trust is a wonderful thing. It's a very poetic word, if you think about it...  oh, and LongJohn.. btw... loved the poem! But doesn't Balladeer wear Wash-n-Wear - No ironing necessary? and pandora says hi! ummm... and also... if Balladeer reads this, i hope he forgets about the ironing because.... ~ all you can really ever expect out of life is a good apology and some decent poetry ~ |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
LOL to the poem...but I have to say I'm enjoying all the responses. This is better than the Number 1 Soap Opera! ...chanson~ |
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Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
Well, the poetry and the fun is good, but TRUST none of them...they are all full of mischief and need to be watched by the good women of passions...believe me, I know what goes on here..LOL...LJA constantly tells on himself to assure he stays out of trouble! |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Maureen dear now I am an angel (albeit an "X" angel, but an angel nonetheless) so I am to be trusted....watch yerself around that ol scalawag Long John! He can sucker ya in easy, look at poor lil Lorelei...a lil mermaid minding her own business and now *poof* she's stuck with that landlubber LJA!!! (*wink* Lorelei yanno I love ya!) Now as for all of the rest of these men....watch everything they say and everything they do, they are horrible flirts and have taken a heart or two in their quests. Chris is definitely one to be careful of, as is 'Deer (oh MY!) and Haleyja! (flirt-alert!), and Toerag...that Toe...he's a saint ....(*evil laugh*)All in all we just have loads of fun around here, and as the opponent to Balladeer for your president....I'd like to tell you a few things I know about him and his scalawag ways....*whisper whisper* *<8oÞ~* ~Heather |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
Trust me he says as his laundry hangs out No trust me, I'm the one that you don't have to doubt The Local's not local, at least not to me Although a rebel, yes definitely.. And that Deer of a man, seems a lover to all But that Toerag, not sure, what a name, what a call And Christopher, Parker and a few other's that ain't It's that Long John I'm sure....yeah hes the one, he's the saint Only lives round the corner...I'll trust him although I certainly wish he stop calling me Mo....  *teasing you..I don't know you all that well but am enjoying the bantering lifts my spirits and is making me laugh ~~soft hugs for that MAUREEN *lol [This message has been edited by MMoonchild (edited 08-28-2000).] |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Hey Maureen... that's a good one! hehe... next time ANY of these oh so trustworthy and passionate poetic sorts starts trying to GET to you... just say this.,... NO MO! NO MO! |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Maurine - your wish is my command - no MO MO. Actually, somebody I respect the daylights out of uses Mo instead of Maurine - so, trust me in this, no offense was ever meant. As for your fantasies - remember, it'll be our little secret *wink*. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
So THIS is what I'm greeted with upon my return! How sad... MMoonchild (and all other newer poets here) it should be obvious to see what is happening here....pure jealousy run amok by a small group of wannabe 'deers. When I am here, they are are very respectful, in the same manner underlings treated Don Corleone in The Godfather, but let me turn my back for the tiniest second and see what happens. LongJohn is well aware that I would never want my shirt ironed because that would indicate that I would wear the same shirt twice (A despicable trait)and yet he posts this! What has happened here is that LongJohn actually thinks that's what a real man would want because he has to guess, not being one and only bumming around with the likes of Toerag, Rebel, and others of that same ilk. I'm sure he doesn't even understand why people are laughing since he wrote it as a serious epic. So just humor him, please. He's not a bad fella and he does have a wonderful wife (don't ask me how) so please tolerate him as the rest of us do and tell him he's funny, hard as that may be. To those of us who know and love him, he will always be the ASS in pASSions |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Well, I see my name some how got dragged into the mud somehow by LJ. This is just another example of LJ and Deer's tickling routine. And whats this about not trusting me... little old me. If you can't trust a Canadian in a cowboy hat you can't trust anybody. and flirt-alert eh X..... that hurts or tickles are we still on for tonight, sorry their out of whip cream how about strawberries. Parker |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Maurine - based on the WILD accusations flying all about in these responses, surely you see by now that I am indeed the only one to be trusted. psst, all you guys - Maurine secretly told me that she has a real thing for.... urk, someone's...hands...on...my....neckkkkkk.....snap................... |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
rofl |
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Menage Numero Trois Junior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 33Zee South of France |
Parker, Amour, Je pourrais faire vos imaginations plus sauvages venir vrai. Oubliez la fille d'ange!! Laissez-moi enchanter vos sens avec mes baisers de fraise... Adieu~ Trois |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Sir, with the best of intentions, my *iron* is too hot to iron any shirt....*g* now once it has cooled down, it will without doubt glide over any creases and will finally be hung, fit to wear by any prince or clown...ooops You rotten devil, fancy taking advantage of our natural dependicies in wanting our men to look good....*g*...take that kitten out of your mouth and give it a cuddle.. HUSG |
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CAVECANEM Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 43Nevada USA |
Thank you all from rebel to deer and the many in between to make these pages sing. I enjoy all your work...... |
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