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Open Poetry #9
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Wax of Remembering
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Wax of Remembering |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
The dank enclosed her coldly, In that dark, In empty she stood boldly, Facing memories from time, The window Old visions return to mind, In the real she will now know, The pathway, Down which they both watched him go, And lit a candle for sight Of return, Each evening at start of night. Waiting on, Nights after night, Weeks building to months then years, Waiting on, Candle after candle, The longer the time the more the fears, Waiting on, Teardrop after teardrop, Till the end returns him not, No candles, but never forgot; Waiting done. Wax is on the windowsill, Spots of white, The candle is not there still, It’s fallen down to the floor, Spots of white, Dusty ledge will shine no more, Tattered curtains wavering, Moves so slight, Where candle was flickering Wax remains on dusty sill, Dark through night, T’was to burn brightly until, The warrior returns home There’s no light, Flame’s gone out, wax is alone. Lives have gone, First the wars take her father, Through the years Through the fears, Finally takes her mother; She alone Returns home, Remembering candlelight, Children’s rhyme Before time, Till he left to go to fight; Lives are gone, Taken by the times, moves on. A tear falls on the window, Two candles, Resting on sill so shallow, Lighting wicks in purest white, Two candles, Once more shines deep into night, Watching for childhood spirit, Two bright flames, Shows the way least they forget In their passing from this place, Two new flames. The memories of parents face And their names. Gloom 2000 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
A solemn story, told in a compact style, emphasizing the expentancy, the sadness. Enjoyed this, Professor Gloom....~chanson~ |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
maybe you should have put this in the Dark poetry....... ~~softly reading you Maureen |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, chansondegeste & MMoonchild, you both might be correct about the sadness and the placement of this poem here in the Open. The Dark might have been a better choice. Glad that you were able to enjoy the sadness, Gloom |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
The saddness definitely came through, and maybe it would have fit better in DARK, but glad for the read, no matter where... jwesley |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Professor, I am glad to have found this. You write with a style and detail that I am becoming keenly aware of. This piece is tragic and tender, at once. Thank you. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Meadowmuse I do attempt mostly structured poetry, my own structure, With a sense of detail that despite my best efforts, sometimes is lacking. I strive with my poetry to express myself as I’ve never been capable of otherwise. I am please that you enjoy my endeavors of poetry. Gloom |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Such sadness! And well written! But I disagree with the others who wanted this in Dark. We can have all kinds of poetry in Open Forum and since it's a busier forum, more people will have a chance to read this. I think its good for everyone to post here sometimes! We become a family by our interaction and since most interaction takes place here, this is the place to meet and greet new people. I like your poem and I like that you posted it here!  |
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Diane Yvonne Junior Member
since 2000-08-22
Posts 36Camdenton,Mo. USA |
I liked your poem very much, glad you posted here since I am new to the site, I haven't checked out the dark yet. Love and Light Diane |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Gloom - This poem isn't dark - this poem is great! I struggled with the structure a little at first, then I let it flow on its own, and it really worked well. I especially like the way you guided me into the subjects and revealed, a piece at a time, the feelings of the author and the subjects of the candles. I suspect that you worked pretty hard to write this poem so well, because it doesn't appear to be something that was just "dashed off." Great job, Professor. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, jwesley For you comments, didn’t mean to slight you, And I am glad you read and responded. Thank you, Poet deVine I am please that you enjoyed it, And am glad to add to this community If only in my dark way. Gloom |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Diane Yvonne Glad you liked my poem, Mostly I post in the dark due to the nature of my poetry, You should look at all the areas and explore, Welcome to Passions. Thank you, LngJhnAg Actually it was sort of dashed off, for me It’s two poems I wrote on separate days Then meshed them together with a few lines to bind them, And there’s actually another poem that goes with this one. Sort of a post script: Looking back, From the path we all must go, In leaving, In grieving, Everything once we did know, The twin light In the night, Flickers in a breeze soft blow, Shines outward, Shines onward, Shines down this path to follow, Looking back, Sees the lights in the window. Gloom |
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