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Challenge!!!
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Challenge!!! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Here is a challenge. Someone must write a few paragraphs and then someone else must rewrite it to make it clearer and more concise. Such as: "Macbeth was very ambitious. This led him to wish to become king of Scotland. The witches told him that this wish of his would come true. The king of Scotland at this time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth murdered Duncan. He was thus enabled to succeed Duncan as king. (55 words.) Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming king of Scotland in his place. (26 words)" From: "Elements of Style website" http://www.bartleby.com/141/index.html What do you think? |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Ambitiously following the witches' prediction and his wife's encouragement, Macbeth murdered Duncan, succeeding him as Scottish king. (17 words) [This message has been edited by Ted Reynolds (edited 10-24-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Encouraged by his wife, ambitious Macbeth murdered Duncan and usurped the Scottish throne, fulfulling the witches' augury. (17 words) |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Duncan died. (2 words) LOL - Sorry - will get back to this... |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You've got the wrong idea here....please write a paragraph and let the next person edit it down keeping the idea, but cutting out the fluff.. |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Here's a simple one! Carol has a bird named Duncan. She keeps him in a cage in her kitchen. The cage is an old antique and very special but the door on the cage sometimes comes open. Carol’s mother bought the cage for her as a present for her birthday. She feeds Duncan fruit and nuts and birdseed. Fruit is his favorite, especially apples! One day she left the window open. She was baking pies and the doorbell rang. It was a salesman. Duncan pushed against the door of his cage and flew onto the counter. Because the window was open, he almost flew out. But when Carol came back, Duncan was too busy trying to taste her apple pie to notice that the window was open. Lucky for Carol that Duncan loves apple pie! (131 words) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Here ya go Debbie my effort: Carol's kitchen contains her fruit, seed and nut eating, caged bird, Duncan. Once, leaving the window open, and pies on the counter she answered a salesman's doorbell. Duncan escaped because the cage, a special antique birthday gift from Carol's mother, had a loose door-catch. Carol returned, luckily finding a fruit loving Duncan diverted from the window tasting apple pie on the counter. 62 Words [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 10-26-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
and my contribution from recent real life!! ..lol I sincerely regret troubling you with this letter, but I feel compelled to write to you personally because of what I believe to be at best deliberate prevarication and, at worst, dishonesty, on the part of an individual or individuals in your Company; behaviour which reflects extremely badly on the perception of the integrity of your business. Briefly the position is that this Company held a 999 year Lease from the London Borough of Islington over the premises known as the Islington Workshops situated immediately adjacent to your development in the former Nurses Home. As part of the arrangements to allow your scheme to proceed your company wished to extinguish any possibility of our tenants being able to access your land through the back wall of our premises. 128 Words [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 10-26-2000).] |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
I'm guessing but here's my try! This letter is in regards to the situation involving the Islington Workshops, located next to your development. I feel compelled to write you because I believe that you are deliberately avoiding this issue and it causes me to question the integrity of your business. Because of the lease that this company holds, we are not allowed to walk out our own back door for 999 years. [This message has been edited by Debbie (edited 10-27-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL..debbie ..looks like you and I are the only ones playing this game ..oops sorry ..doing this useful exercise! ok i need to think about what you wrote  later P |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
This letter was necessitated by the unethical actions taken in regards to the Islington Workshops lease issue. Rest assured that if we can't walk out our own back doors our endeavour shall be to prevent use of your front one as well. 42 words Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
LOL! THAT'S better yet! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
UP YOURS Strong letter to follow. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
LOL....Jamie I like yours!! Not a Poet, maybe YOURS is the best!! (and why can't I view your homepage?) [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 10-27-2000).] |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Not A Poet, Now that's cutting to the thick of things, clear and concise! Or should I have just said concise? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ok ..LOL...ok ...marks outta ten ...~still laughing~ Debbie pretty good - you caught most of salient bits i think Pete - i forgot to mention that you don't "swear" at Peers of the Realm, which he was, so you're ruled outta order Jamie - you get the prize for cutting straight to the action ...LOL.. in the real version that bit actually came lower down the letter after about 20 paragraphs of waffle .... nice one ..lol...you are a businessman or a Godfather or both - right?  P |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You can't disqualify Pete...it's the best one!!! AND I bet it's what you really want to say too SP... Can we have the 20 para's of waffle too? (Mainly cause I want to see you in action P, yanno...) K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I would agree if only the Up Yours letter had contained any reference to the issue. lol Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
yes if you want K ..remind me when i get to work on monday - it's pretty funny actually, i was really mad (US meaning...lol) P |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Ohhhhhhh I want to see SP....ooooo yes... nice, good humoured, gentle, SHY SP getting mad...? HAH! Can't wait.... ~smirk~ K"He looked across the silky surface of the Severn... it was a famously difficult river with fierce tides..." From Jack Maggs |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
don't forget my copy!!---hehe Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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