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A Night Broken - Imagery Challenge!
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A Night Broken - Imagery Challenge! |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN 
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It was all but light as the last few rays of false day fell upon the land in royal splendor. Already the east was a heavy black broken only by twinkling pinpricks, a vast dark that was devouring the lingering rays of purple. The stars were out in force, a glistening host in perfect disarray. The moon hung a breath above the horizon, a pale yellow-white crescent casting a faint luminescence on the waves below. The ocean was quiet, a rolling plain of glass bending to the horizons. Above that horizon in the expanses of the heaven a single light glimmered more brightly than the rest. Like a firefly suspended above, it flashed and winked as it slowly moved earthbound. From a glowing dot it stretched into an incandescent streak of silver-blue, burning glory of a sultry night. It arced downwards in flaring power, an artist's stroke on the night’s canvas. The streak fell towards the leaden pane of the sea and ripped it asunder. Celestial light winked out and a hiss carried on the night air. The great waterspout fell in steel shot as the sibilant steam floated away on a cool night breeze as a shattered sea melted to glass. The glowing blur of incandescence now lay immutable on ocean floor, terrestrial material pitted and scarred. < !signature--> Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon [This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 06-23-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Abrahm Simons - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Geez Abe!!! Did you have to do such a good job! I liked this very much...not too much imagery for me!  |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Very well done Abrahm... Excellent and adequate imagery...  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
See now Abe... this is what I'm talking about. You've toned it down a bit, but still maintained that finesse that is your trademark. Another bravo m'friend! Only thing: The streak fell towards the leaden pane of the sea and ripped it asunder. The blinding light winked out and a hiss carried on the night air. The great waterspout fell in steel shot as the sibilant steam floated away on a cool night breeze and the sea softened to glass again. While the underlying base wording is magnificent... I feel there are a few too many "the's" in this... to me it feels more narrative rather than showing.... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow...you have some awesome words here... and this: 'The moon hung a breath above the horizon' is just...basically I want to own that sentence...lol. I think this is a definite success...only one little things to point out: artists stroke needs to be artist's stroke wow - this is fantastic!  K~Sleeping Beauty never knew how lucky she really was~ (Me) |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Sweetheart, you have the kind of gift for imagery that I dream of one day possessing. Your vocabulary, the unique descriptions, it all creates a powerful, colorful show in my mind. You're bound for greatness, I'm certain of it. *Krista Knutson* "Cherish your vision; Cherish your ideals; Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts. If you remain true to them, your world will at last be built." ~James Allen~ "We've made houses for hatred...it's time we made a place where people's souls may be seen and made safe"...~Jewel~ |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Thank you all for replying and well, jeez, I'm surprised you found such little fault! Added that apostrophe, and changed that paragraph for you Chris.. changed the sentence's starting "the" to "Celestial" and got rid of "blinding." And then I changed "the sea softened to glass again" to "a shattered sea melted to glass" Again thank you for the critique! P.S. Krista, dear, I hope you're right, you're support and compliments are greatly appreciated Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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