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Open Poetry #6
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some time back
| Open Poetry #6 |
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some time back |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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-some time back- Some time back . piano so soft Like water dripping slowly, easingly . the notes the whisperings of a child Bathing puddles against the dishes, . palm fronds shadowing out my face The slightest tink of surface tension . dropping darkness closely mild Like a book read through and closed . what colors do colors make With a new eye for subtle details, . when spread apart and wrenched together? The hidden messages meant by artists . when does the calmness break In the renderings of an author's fever. . in favor of more wind and weather? Like that little kiss with lips . several months never felt so smooth So smooth as to velvetcize my mind. . i never thought i would move Slow-moving spirals, slow-grooving sunset. . another guess proven true that night What happened to those times? . another starfield bruised |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I am quite enjoying reading the free verse being posted tonight... I've seen your name but haven't hung out here for a while so this is my first reading of your work. It is vivid, detailed in sensory imagery, emotionally charged. Thank you for the read and I will look forward to reading more of your work. -dp |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Doreen, Thanks for such a kind, insightful reply. As usual, this is me experimenting again. I like to try and push the bounds of what poetry can be. Whether or not I succeed is another matter entirely.  Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I don't mean to come across as the president of your fan club, "b". but how I do love the subtle, ironic twists of your phrasing... As a fan of "slam", I'm pleased to know that where-ever-where, this is read aloud. First a whisper--then a shout--extraordinary work. |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
This is sexy! Don't know if I read it incorrectly, but I like the whole darn thing! "The hidden messages meant by artists . when does the calmness break" I got that one...Anyway..hot stuff here. Chris Blue Moon |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
serenity, Is it just me, or is that second line in your message like a mini-poem itself? It's got rhythm! Glad you enjoyed. And I'm taking it you think this is a poem I should read aloud? Okay, just because you suggested it, I will next week (7:30 p.m. saturday at the barnes & noble in encino, come one come all) Chris, I agree with some of the poem's latent sexiness until the line "another starfield bruised." (ouch!) Thanks for reading. Mike |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
this is excellent...i really enjoyed reading this..it had a very relaxing effect as i read it... "The hidden messages meant by artists . when does the calmness break In the renderings of an author's fever. . in favor of more wind and weather? Like that little kiss with lips . several months never felt so smooth So smooth as to velvetcize my mind. . i never thought i would move Slow-moving spirals, slow-grooving sunset. . another guess proven true that night What happened to those times? . another starfield bruised"... excellence of prose... take care, janet marie Now for me some words come easy... But I know that they don't mean that much Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch. You never knew what I loved in you-- I don't know what you loved in me... Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be... How long have I been sleeping- How long have I been drifting alone through the night... How long have I've dreaming I could make it right... If I closed my eyes and tried with all my might To be the one you need... Jackson Browne |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
...and I think perhaps it's that "latent sexiness" that pulls the reader along with this piece...it entices me with the feeling of an early summer sunset~evening settling around and within an open~windowed home, maybe a little Glenn Miller floating through from the back porch radio, the flavors of dinner for two still in the air, the glow of lamplight on hard wood, something cool chilling on ice for that eventual thirst that comes along on nights like this...the anticipation...that is what this poem brings to me...(not that I'm complaining, mind you...) |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Janet, It relaxed me, too. Until, of coures, I showed it to a girl at work and she said "It doesn't rhyme." ARRRRGH! Meadowmuse, Do you realize how good of a writer you are? You give such pitch-perfect detail, even in your replies. As always, glad you enjoyed. Mike |
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