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Open Poetry #6
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Kevin
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since 1999-11-02
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Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2000-04-04 11:23 PM


Common critic
Analytic
Easy comes your kind

Sit in the stands
Tie up your hands
And try to read my mind

Conclusions weak
Before you speak
And call yourself a king

Step up and enter
The circle center
To prove this song you sing

In dreams pursuing
It is the doing
That sets us all apart

And while I’m bleeding
You stand misreading
The depths within my heart

I’m In the Limelight
In a time fight
To become forever

So would you speak not
If you seek not
The very same endeavor

© Copyright 2000 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
1 posted 2000-04-04 11:33 PM


Well said, Kevin. Your poem reminds me of a poem written by a local poet down here. I've always remembered these two lines:

Hey, Mr. Critic, get up on this stage
You be the songbird and I'll shake the cage

Obviously, amny people feel the same way, me included  

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
2 posted 2000-04-04 11:36 PM


  
Yes this poem does have a familiar ring but I just can't place it now  

Well written Kevin!! You did an excellent job addressing the problems with a critic....often people who are very insecure in themselves.


 Hold me for yesterday
Kiss me for tomorrow
But love me for today.


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2000-04-04 11:42 PM


Sit in the stands
Tie up your hands
And try to read my mind
------------
And while I’m bleeding
You stand misreading
The depths within my heart
-------------------
So would you speak not
If you seek not
The very same endeavor
------------------

Kevin, this is excellent...very well writen and thought thru...
you should be very proud of this one!!
great job
take care, jm

 ...when you walked into the room, I saw their faces,
you made it feel like time was standing still...and I felt fascination...
then you turned and smiled in my direction...
and my heart...gave me away.
glass tiger

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
4 posted 2000-04-05 03:49 AM


In critiquing this one, I would say it is very well written and full of truths. It can be painful when someone critques a poem that you have written from your heart, wanting only to express your feelings, and not to be analyzed. Well spoken
Liz

PS, But just as the critic remarks on the poetry and not on the poet, so should we criticize what he says, not who he is, for that may be another unknown.

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 04-05-2000).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2000-04-05 03:50 AM


Very well written Kevin...James
hsystems
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 319
Murray, UT, USA
6 posted 2000-04-05 03:54 AM


Excellent piece, Kevin - straight from the hip, and oh so apropo!  

Troy

 Beautiful, Thought-Provoking Poetry
http://www.h-systems.net/p1.htm

Marge Tindal
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since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
7 posted 2000-04-05 05:01 AM


Kevin~
Very well stated.
Spoken with 'heart'.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Michael
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Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
8 posted 2000-04-05 05:45 AM


Hit the nail on the head you did, kevin.  I don't have much problem receiving critique on "form" even when unsought but I absolutely find it absurd when someone tries to tell me what I was thinking when I was writing a poem.  Lest they see through your eyes and feel from your soul, who are they to try to change your words.  great poem.


Michael

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
9 posted 2000-04-05 07:27 AM


Personally I love critics, they give me a good laugh! My father is the ultimate critic so I've learned to live with them. But I understand what you're saying and I love the way you write!
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
10 posted 2000-04-05 09:00 AM


Thank you guys so much for your replies,
Liz, an interesting 180 you pulled on me, ill be thinking about it for quite some time

guess i was being a little hypo"critical"

lol

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
11 posted 2000-04-05 11:48 AM


Smiling here...you tell them Kevin  
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
12 posted 2000-04-05 11:52 AM


Michael nailed it for me also.
Nice writing.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
13 posted 2000-04-05 01:00 PM


Kevin, I think your reaction to critics is normal. My first reaction to unsolicited critiquing was anger, but I was confusing ego with malicious intent, and just because a person has an ego, doesn't mean he or she is not a good person or that the intentions weren't good. If someone is insensitive to your feelings, usually explaining things to them changes their approach.
I have met a lot of people through the years who rubbed me the wrong way at first, and ended up being best of friends, once we understood each other's personalities. If they make the mistake of offending me, I still don't see it as a reason to ostracize them. I like to know where that person is coming from before I make a judgement. People make mistakes. We all do.
You know, you write very well, even when you're angry. You have a wonderful talent.
And this was a very well written poem
Excellent, in fact
(But that's just my opinion)
Liz

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
14 posted 2000-04-05 03:06 PM


It just occured to me, after reading liz's second reply, that many of us have made a large assumption in the case of this poem.
It is easy, and almost expected to directly attribute my words to writing, and the critique there of. Understand, however, that this was not where I was coming from at all.  This poem represents those who strive to achieve any goal, yet are slowed or stopped by an OUTSIDER.  Someone who does/can/will not identify with their situation.  If your still patient enough to sit with me through this, I offer you the quote that inspired the poem by Teddy Roosevelt

     "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasims, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."


There is a key line in the poem, at the end, that says "would you speak not, If you seek not, the very same endeavor."

What I was trying to convey was that, the person who does not try at all, as if to shoot down an idea without offering an alternative, is looked upon negatively.  However, Someone who is in the arena, such as a fellow writer is openly accepted.  If you took the time to read this I hope it clarified, and I thank you

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
15 posted 2000-04-05 03:17 PM


Very well explained, Kevin, and an excellent quote by Teddy Roosevelt. I read it over a couple of times, and I understand better your poem.
Good work
Liz

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
16 posted 2000-04-05 03:47 PM


Great work... enjoyed this much!
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