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Open Poetry #6

The Past

Dolphins3
Member

since 1999-09-30

Posts 135
Wisconsin

0 posted 2000-03-31 02:44 PM

To bring a smile back upon your face
I wish I could
Erase the past without a trace

Yet with all my might
And many sleepless nights
It still remains

Daunting and pounding
Through the remains of my head
Forever holding on
Making me wish I was dead

Looking at me
Through your eyes
I wonder how you can't despise

Love,Trust
Saying you do
I don't know how you do
After everything I've put you through

Yet the rings remain
Even if I have changed

Loving me then
Loving me now
Please show me how to love again

*Not sure if I like this but thought I would post it and see what you guys think. I think I got rusty with being gone so long.
It's nice to see and to read all the new poetry.

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 2000-03-31 05:24 PM

Nice to have you back, Dolphins. I cannot offer any critique, except to say that if you change anything you will only improve it. The emotion is well expressed--I can feel the longing to go back to the way things were. Wonderful work.

Elizabeth

"He have his goodness now. God forbid I take it from him!"
-The Crucible

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

2 posted 2000-04-01 07:31 AM

Hi Dolphins,

Welcome back, I really liked this poem I don't think you lost anything and I look forward to more of your work.

Cerenity

Dolphins3
Member

since 1999-09-30

Posts 135
Wisconsin

3 posted 2000-04-02 04:13 PM

Thanks Elizabeth & Cerenity 1 for the words of encouragement. I'm so glad to be back on. I look forward to reading your work too.

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

4 posted 2000-04-02 04:18 PM

Welcome back Dolphins! This is a great poem. I wouldn't change a thing!

Denise

Dolphins3
Member

since 1999-09-30

Posts 135
Wisconsin

5 posted 2000-04-03 01:32 PM

Thanks Denise

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