navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #6 » ~Loves Sleeping Slumber~
Open Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic ~Loves Sleeping Slumber~ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

0 posted 2000-03-21 04:21 PM


As the morning dew arises,
I look upon your face in your slumbers sleep,

Awakened I am as my heart stirs,
With whispes of your love flowing through my veins,

I have found light into the darkness,
Depths of love that has been asleep,

Now as I look upon you,
As your gaze is glass,

I am smothered by your thoughts,
Your eyes capture mine,

This dance our eyes capture,
Is our love,
Love awakened, Love tis true,

What is real before our eyes,
Tricks does our hearts play to our minds,

As I watch you sleep,
I am in love with your innocence,
Soft breathing, eyes closed,

Dreams you are dreaming,
And I am in love with you once more!


 "Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O,no! it is an ever-fixed mark....William Shakespeare


© Copyright 2000 Millette A. (Lester) Addison - All Rights Reserved
endoftheriver
New Member
since 2000-03-16
Posts 6

1 posted 2000-03-21 06:26 PM


pleasant thoughts, first lines dont quite seem to flow to me, try reading it aloud? i think fewer words and a little more direct would work better..

------------------//
Awake, and my heart stirs to see
slumberous dreams still shadowing
your face.
Love whispering through our veins,
arising like the morning dew...//?



Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
2 posted 2000-03-22 06:35 PM


"and I am in love with you once more"
Very nice.  That's as good as it gets, I think.

 A life isn't significant except for its impact on other lives.

David2
Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 407

3 posted 2000-03-22 08:00 PM


A Romantic Heart,
    Obviously, I am new to this, but the words you use to describe your feelings and your love seem so heartfelt. If your work is indicative in anyway of the caliber of the poetry that is submitted, then I am sorry I took so long to find this site. Thanks for some truly beautiful thoughts.
                 DAvid2

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
4 posted 2000-03-22 08:24 PM


End:well I thought this was OPEN poetry...gee, for a minute I thought I posted in the CRITICAL FORUM....

I wrote this as it came from my heart watching my muse sleep.....so I feel it is fine as is...

Danny: You are so sweet...thanks! LOL as good as it gets!....maybe, wait and see!

David: WELCOME to passions!!!! I sir, am humbled by your gracious comments...
Too sweet...Yes all my poetry comes from my heart!


 "Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O,no! it is an ever-fixed mark....William Shakespeare


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #6 » ~Loves Sleeping Slumber~

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary