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Open Poetry #6
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Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462


0 posted 2000-03-20 11:24 PM



Leave not a stone
to mark this site,
for I have felt,
yes, I have felt of sorrow's bite.
Witness not pain's pantomime,
Unwanted pallor
lost in sands of shifting time,
for I have felt,
yes, I have felt.
Trailing brambles, cormorants,
as starving beggar, mendicants,
who stand before
all that I covet,
never looking, never seeing,
no light from heaven's sky
illuminates,
for I have felt,
yes, I have felt of sorrow's bite.

© Copyright 2000 Mike - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2000-03-20 11:47 PM


Witness not pain's pantomime,
Unwanted pallor
lost in sands of shifting time,
for I have felt,
yes, I have felt.
Trailing brambles, cormorants,
as starving beggar, mendicants,
------------
damn this is AWESOME...the words used, the perfect rhyme..the pace pulls you along perfectly...VERY well written.. i love the word mendicant...theres something so poetic about it...
take care, jm

 and you can say baby...
baby can I hold you tonight
maybe if told you the right words...
at the right time,
you'd be mine...
baby can I hold you tonight...
tracy chapman



Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2000-03-20 11:51 PM


Mike--I am so amazed by your ability to express such deep emotion with just the perfect words.... Excellent, my friend.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

3 posted 2000-03-20 11:56 PM


Good title, beautiful writing, powerful sting. (I would try to say more, but ...it's just plain good.)

~ Claire


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2000-03-20 11:56 PM


Mike, this is tight without being restricted...It FLOWED...reminded me of doing needle-point...just the right touch everywhere!  Excellent!
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2000-03-21 07:17 AM


I don't know anyone who couldn't relate to this at some point in their lives, Mike.. It's a wonderfully "biting" piece... Good work, my friend..
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
6 posted 2000-03-21 08:15 AM


As I'm under Nan, Mike, I'll ditto her...

HUGS

 I love the way I look in your eyes, I'm just me tho'...
We are all works in progress, no?


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

7 posted 2000-03-21 10:29 AM


Excellent writing, Mike. Sorrow does have a bite, doesn't it? Very well done!

Denise

Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

8 posted 2000-03-21 12:23 PM


Thank you all muchly for your gracious comments.  I appreciate the positive feedback.
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
9 posted 2000-03-21 03:53 PM


Too bad you have been bitten by sorrow, Do you need a band-aid?haha just kidding!

Sorry to hear your feeling so sad! cheer up there will be sunny days ahead!


 "Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O,no! it is an ever-fixed mark....William Shakespeare


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
10 posted 2000-03-21 08:37 PM


Mike...this is a classic my friend. Very well written no matter how sad it is  
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