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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2000-03-20 09:54 AM


What Will They Think?


Will they think me a coward?
That is my greatest fear
They don’t know the truth

The truth walks in whispers
Slowly, ever so slowly
Not wanting to be noticed, but it’s there
I know its there
Can’t anybody see?  Doesn’t anybody know?

Ah, these masks of deception
How they hide the truth
But I know the truth
And I tremble

I’m not one to be afraid

I wear the mask
But I know the truth
It’s in the waking hour
It comes ever so quietly
Like creatures foot on fresh snow
It passes unnoticed, but leaves its mark
It changes as a growing child changes
So slowly and so quickly

Why do I tremble?
I’m not one to be afraid

I feel the change
It’s in the sleeping hour
Even in sleep the muscles speak
The truth never goes away
It consumes me
I tremble at night on the inside
It must be fear

And I’m not one to be afraid

It never stops creeping towards me
It devours my brain
In slow pieces

It’s not insanity
It’s only a nightmare
That doesn’t go away

I am consumed by fear
And I’m not one to be afraid

It’s hard to swallow
But I don’t know why
My muscles cramp
They torture me with pain
Or is it only my brain that is tortured?
I am dizzy and weak
Is that my imagination?

Is it fear that consumes me?
Is that why I tremble?

How will I tell them?
The little ones
How will they ever understand?
Will they think me a coward?
That I couldn’t fight this devil

That scares me more than anything
And I’m not one to be afraid

How will they remember me?
Will they know who I am?
I am a person, you know
I am trembling
I am fighting
I am weeping

I’m not one to be afraid

Look at my past
Look how I fought
Look what I did
I overcame barriers
I won victories
I gave all I had to give
I loved with all my heart
Look how I fought
I was never one to be afraid

But they don’t know that

How will they remember me?
Will they think me a coward?

Elizabeth Santos



[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 03-20-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved
Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
1 posted 2000-03-20 11:06 AM


You are a woman of great courage and beauty Liz ...
The grandchildren will have their parents rememberences to keep this fresh in their minds .... and they have you.. now ......
Beautifully written Liz .......
Love ya,
Shannon

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2000-03-20 01:39 PM


Elizabeth,
The poem is well written and I understand what you are saying. We all have the same fears. Some more sensitive then others. No mail from you and I am a little worried.
Love Sy

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2000-03-20 03:45 PM


Dearest Liz, it is not shamful to be afraid...and it is certainly not the sign of a coward...the unknown is frightening, and things that rob our bodies of their blooming youth.  What a wonderful heart-felt poem you have written...ah, and free verse.  You are a wonder, and everyone that knows you believes that, even the little ones.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

4 posted 2000-03-20 03:58 PM


No one would ever think you a coward. You are one of the bravest people I know. You have great endurance. Great poem, Elizabeth. Very expressive of your inner self. I wish I could take your pain from you. HUGS

Love ya
Denise

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
5 posted 2000-03-20 06:23 PM


Pepper, Yes, that is why I live for each day. Thank you, dear.

Sy, No need to be concerned. I am doing well. This is just a poem on a screen. Thanks for reading and commenting

Martie, How sweet, and hey, how about this free verse. I think this could be alittle smoother, but you know me and free verse. It's very tough. Thanks for your remarks

Denise. Thank you for your support. I know this poem sounds depressing, but I am not depressed, though I do have thoughts about how my grandchildren will remember me. Thanks, dear.

Liz

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
6 posted 2000-03-20 06:43 PM


Liz:

How can you be a coward when you face things head on?

How can you be a coward when you care so much about others?

How can you be a coward when you make the most of what you have?

How can you not be afraid?

Because I would be..

I think you handle your situation with courage, beauty, defiance and strength and on top of all that, you give the gift of love!

That is how I think of you now..

HUSG

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
7 posted 2000-03-20 07:41 PM


Cindy, I'm trying to write through my tears, but honestly, I can't even see the keyboard. Because I know what you have been fighting so couragiously. I will never give up fighting, but I have a hard time explaining things to my grandchildren and wonder how they will remember me. You, Cindy, are a friend and an inspiration. Thank you
I love you
HUSG
Liz

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2000-03-20 08:12 PM


Oh my fair Elizabeth~
You do not cry the tears alone.
I cry them with you.  
They will remember you for the beauty
in your smile, the oomph in your hugs,
the challenge of your spirit, your words
of sweet beauty.  
Oh, they will remember the woman who
gave more than she took ... and most of
all they will know that she was
'not one to be afraid'.
The courage you display ... they will
be honored to remember.
So much love to you, my friend.
Love ~*Marge*~

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
9 posted 2000-03-20 08:37 PM


E.
One with such eloquence of spirit will be remembered for the strength they have shared with others . Have no doubt .
Doc

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
10 posted 2000-03-20 09:17 PM


Liz: You crazy loveable lady....you have me in tears now...    Where's that flipping cognac...I think we should have a toast to courage, love, friendship and honesty..  

I understand about telling the children, well, in a limited way..   much depends on there age but if ever I have had to tell a child something sad, I tried to be as direct as possible and encourage any questions and they seem to accept it and then run off and play, the tiny ones that is but the older ones seem to appreciate that you tell them and encourage them to ask questions, share many tears and hugs...don't know if that helps, it's something I have never had to do with children of my own..but they will love you anyway, regardless, they just don't see parents or grand-parents the way we seem to relate...I think I would prefer to live amongst children and their innocence...ooops, I rattled on, must be bedtime..  

HUSG and sweet dreams

[This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 03-20-2000).]

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
11 posted 2000-03-20 09:42 PM


Liz, the only possible coward you could be would be Noel Coward, maybe, since he is also a gifted writer. Your courage puts others to shame.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2000-03-20 11:11 PM


Once again, reduced to tears...I do so admire how the style of this followed the emotion...(something I am working on...)

Pure Perfection, Liz!

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
13 posted 2000-03-21 03:14 AM


OK, Marge, Doc, Cindy, Balladeer, Serenity, Pepper, Sy, Martie and Denise, here is a toast, offered by Cindy, for courage, love, friendship, and honesty, those things that help us through the challenges of life. I'll drink to that, and add that the friendships I've gained here on Passions are the best gift that I have been given. There's nothing I can't do when I have the support of friends like you. Thank you for your beautiful responses, and thank you, Cindy, for your ramblings
Love
Liz

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