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Open Poetry #6
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INclan
Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024
Indiana, USA

0 posted 2000-03-16 12:47 PM



Through the falling rain,
a freight train mourns.
Such is my heart,
without you,
this night.

© Copyright 2000 KKunnen - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2000-03-16 12:49 PM


This is just...I can just feel this. From those few words I got such an impression of images...wow, Inclan - thanks.

And hugs for it is a sad one.




 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath

INclan
Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024
Indiana, USA
2 posted 2000-03-16 01:08 AM


Thank you, Severn. I am honored by your response.

INclan

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

3 posted 2000-03-16 01:18 AM




This is voluminous beauty in a mere sprinkling of words, INClan. The feeling here is acute and shared so well.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
4 posted 2000-03-16 01:18 AM


INclan~
This is hauntingly lovely.
I could even hear strains of
Hank Williams, Sr. singing
'I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry'
Now that's vivid.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


INclan
Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024
Indiana, USA
5 posted 2000-03-16 08:26 AM


Thank you so much, meadowmouse and Marge. A late night inspiration while working away from my family.  I am glad that you enjoyed my work.  Mmmmmmmmm....I hear that distant train again, outside my office window, and it is still raining this morning.

INclan

Joannak
Member
since 2000-03-11
Posts 121
Indiana, USA
6 posted 2000-03-18 02:27 PM


INclan, what beautiful thoughts...
as a matter of fact, I think I can hear the
train whistle now...
jk

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
7 posted 2000-03-18 04:06 PM


The best things come in small packages. This is among the best
Liz

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
8 posted 2000-03-18 05:34 PM


I can feel this too....wow.  I've heard trains off in the distance "mourning"...it also gives me a sad yearning feeling too.  You captured this well.     Alot of emotion packed in this short epic!
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

9 posted 2000-03-18 09:13 PM


These few words say so much. Well done!

Denise

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2000-03-18 09:17 PM


Sad, but beautiful INclan...I could really relate to this as I live sort of near (but not TOO near the tracks...)  I like 'em short, by the way, as long as it says it all,
which this did.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
11 posted 2000-03-18 09:30 PM


There can be few sadder sounds than a train whistle on a lonely night, fading into the distance....leaving.

Excellent words.

Ravenlearns2fly
Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 71

12 posted 2000-03-18 11:30 PM


oooo!!! very nice in deed.
Raven

 

INclan
Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024
Indiana, USA
13 posted 2000-03-19 02:59 PM


Thank you ALL for your kind words and encouragement.

INclan

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