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A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #6 |
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One bullet |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
One bullet was all it took On that lonely April night She was an intelligent person It just doesn't seem right One bullet was all it took To turn my world on end Confused and bewildered Help I was ready to lend One bullet was all it took When she was deep in despair It is doubtful she saw How much we all care One bullet was all it took To end my grandmothers life She was such a strong person Why did we not see her strife? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Mistikman - I'm so sorry for your sorrow, and all of the unanswered questions, your very sad poem was beautifully written, I know where you are coming from as my brother did the same thing....thanks for writing and for sharing this. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
This is so sad...but beautifully done....it's hard losing a loved one but to lose someone in this way is especially hard. I know the anniversary of her death is coming in a month..my heart goes out to you and your Grandfather. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I've been typing and backspacing, trying to find the right words...Just this, tho, I'm sorry... |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
BSC- Thank you. It has been very hard for me to even think about this since it happened almost four years ago. I am truly sorry for you and your family. I only saw my grandmother once every 5 years or so. I couldnt even imagine losing someone I see every day.  Poet deVine- Thank you. With the intense depression I went through around a year later(not directly caused by this, but it didnt really help) this was always sitting at the back of my mind, wondering if I would suffer the same fate. serenity- Dont worry, you said exactly the right thing, thank you... |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I am sorry I didn't get to this sooner Travis. This is well written and I am sure a difficult thing to write about. I feel your loss hun. ((hug)) |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
A very sad event to say the least. Sometimes as children or being children as adults we often over look the hard times faced by those older than us. We just assume that they know more than us and are dealing with things diffrent than us and that are now passed and that they are fine. We often overlook the most inportant fact....Age does not negate problems and if they are not dealt with at a young age...they will resurface in time. I pray and hope that this will act as a sign of help that you may deal with issuse as they come and not put them off until they seem to over power you. Best wishes [This message has been edited by First__Knight (edited 02-29-2000).] |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Well Travis, this was very sad. It was however wonderfuly written. The pain and emotions are so present. Sad but great read. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Marilyn- It's ok, I am just glad you came  Thank you.First__Knight- Yea, we all have problems, the problem is, my grandmother refused to talk about what bugged her. She kept everything inside, and I believe on that night 4 years ago it finally got to her. She had 75 or so years worth of problems built up, with no release. She was incredibly strong to even handle it for that long. I just wish we had all seen it and done something. Jer- Thank you. Your support is greatly appreciated. |
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RufffRyder Member
since 2000-02-25
Posts 143<------Over There------> |
Mistikman~my grandmother was my best friend and she went to a better place not to long ago. I can feel your loss in your writing and Im sorry. I like to think that our grandmothers are watching over us and lighting our way like the stars light the night. You`ve done an excellent job with a beautiful poem here. Thank you for the read and memories. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I have not the right words to offer you the compassion I feel in reading this. Suicide is an everlasting torment to the survivors. In most cases, the questions will never be answered. You have my deepest sympathy and empathy on this one, Mistikman. One bullet - felt by so many. Michael |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
RufffRyder- Thank you and You're welcome. I knew my grandmother as well as a grandson could who lives across the country and only visits every 5 years or so. Even though I had only seen her 5 times in my life, my life was deeply jarred from hearing of her unfortunate death. Michael- Thank you. Just the fact that you are trying to offer support means you cant possibly say the wrong thing. We all felt that bullet, in one way or another. |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
*starts crying and runs up to Travis and say's i'm really sorry and I understand how u feel * "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
comforts her sis, then gives Travis a hug. Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My great-grandmother died in '96..I still miss her ~~Lavada~~ "For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth, there is an ear somewhere to hear it For every love, there is a heart somewhere to receive it".--Ivan Panin |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh this is so sad One bullet is all it took to end her pain; but that one bullet only began everyone elses. Sometimes even those trained to see the signs miss them Mistikman...and sometimes even when we do, we still can't stop the chain of events. There are many victims in a suicide and those that are left behind often face the questions you have..."Could I have done something?"..."Why didn't I see?"..."How could have I stopped this?" Just don't end up blaming yourself...there are three things in life that will eat us apart if we let them...guilt, grief and regret. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope the pain gets better daily. (((HUGS))) Ruth [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 03-02-2000).] |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
I am like serenity...I just don't have words...this is so sad so well written...so....sigh....and though I am no where near suicide...I am a grandmother with lots of turmoil inside....this touches me deeply...thank you for sharing |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
chic & sweetcollege_girl- Thank you both. It is comforting to know that I will always have your support. hoot_owl_rn- Thank you. Those 3 things attack me quite regularly. It is difficult at times to see past the guilt grief and regret of my prior actions. And on the topic of not noticing the signs, no one ever really noticed when I was near suicide. I had to fight up from the depths of hell all by myself. Poetry has helped me a lot in the last few months. Through my words I express and release much of the pain that I have been feeling all my life. Corazon- Thank you. If the pain ever gts too much, just read this poem and think of your children and grandchildren. There are better alternatives than suicide. It took me a long time to figure that out. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Mistikman, you've shared your feelings beautifully with this poem. Writing is a wonderful accomplice to the healing path. Much peace to you... ~ Claire |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
mistikman: you hit on a sore spot...but that's good sometimes Knowing Harold Harold is the best popular at work, with friends people greet him at the door because of laughter that he sends all the kids run and jump up to hug Harold around his neck he always speaks to strangers he works as a computer tech everybody loves Harold he helps anyone he can always smiling and joking around the class clown, a comedic man I see him leave out with a buggy full of food to share Harold weighs 350 pounds but seems to be without a care. He is caring and kind oblivious to those who make fun we talk as he gets off work when his day is done and by the majority it is not known that Harold always goes home alone. Christmas Eve, he sits at the table looks at the wall and cries no one sees him dying wanting love, though he denies no one understands no one hears him shout he turns the tree lights off and blows his brains out. And no one comes to visit when he doesn't show up for work shocked when they find the truth Harold never showed his hurt. And I don't understand why we all have our own ways to go and we never stop to think there's a friend we may not know. ~shadows dance by the light within~ |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Meadowmuse- Thank you passing shadows- Oh geeze.... Talk about a sore spot.... That poem just described my personal life almost to a tee. I weigh 300 pounds instead of 350, but its all pretty much the same. I act nice and jovial and happy around others. If I act how I truly feel I wouldnt have the friends I do. *sigh* thanks for the poem passing shadows, it is deeply appreciated, and gives me a lot to think about. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Mistik: I say you're beautiful any way you want to be. I'm sorry the poem hit you that way but I like to think and yours made me think of mine which made me think and hopefully others will too, that maybe troubles are covered with smiles and laughs and it's a true friend that takes the time to go underneath. *hug* ~shadows dance by the light within~ |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mistik~ What loving thoughts you still had for your grandmother ... that is the important thing. Suicide is a desperate act of desperation. Love, someone bent on leaving will leave no matter whether we see the signs or not. I send you a sincerely meant hug. I hope you rise above your feelings of despair. YOU ARE SOMEBODY ! I Love you. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
passing shadows- Yea, but I dont really want to be as large as I am. I doubt anyone would -want- to look like this. It is an unfortunate result of my lifestyle and a low metabolism. Dont be sorry, I enjoy poems most that effect me emotionally. I have a hard time relating to sappy love poems or cheerful happy poems, so I tend not to enjoy them as much. I am still looking for a true friend who is willing to probe the depths of my soul. Marge Tindal- Thank you, heh, and I love you too  |
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