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Open Poetry #5
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Everytime
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Everytime |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
I exagerrated a bit on this poem. Everytime you go away, my heart can't stand the pain and I feel as if I'm going insane. The way she moves, puts a smile on my face. She's like an angel with grace. Whenever she goes away, I try my best not to cry but, it's hard to hold back, all these tears inside. Baby, please come back home because, I'm all alone. Why do you make me cry? You make me wanna die! My heart can't stand the pain because, I'm left out in the rain. Baby, please come back to me because, I'm very lonely. I'm always having a bad day, everytime you go away. Nathan |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nate Dogg - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Nathan, If your poems are going to rhyme, why not add meter. For instance, the last four lines: Baby, please come back to me For I'm alone, adrift at sea And every single passing day Is empty since you went away I think you could do this by adding words where needed and give your poem a smoother flow. I know the feeling , though of loneliness Liz |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Exaggerated or not, i've been here myself...hugs to ya! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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~ViXeN~ Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 93Guelph, Ont. Canada |
wow the minute i read this it totally reminded me of feelings that i have had in the past... it comforts me to know that im not the only one. great job |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Thanks Liz, I see what you mean. Thank you Devina and Vixen for the sweet comments! Nathan |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
hmmmmmmm......sounds like love to me!  Denise |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Now how could anyone resist a plea such as this? Very lyrical! Corinne |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Maybe an exagggeration Nate, nevertheless, I've been there and could never convince my heart of that.  Hope your days get better soon.Michael |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Thank you Vixen and Michael for the lovely comments. Nathan |
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