A Pompous Ass
by ©Richard Budig 2000

He was small to medium,
soft hazel eyes and mousy hair,
not a very impressive man.
But he had a head full of stuff.
He could figure Pythagorean,
recite how to whip an omelet,
or tell the formula for aqua regia.
Now his wife loved him dearly,
but she thought him pompous,
something of an officious ass.
You’re a braggart and a bluffer!
You drive me crazy, she bleated,
You absolutely clabber my milk.
To which his normal response was,
It ain’t braggin’ if you can do it.
So one day, when he found her
trapped in a corner of the yard
by a coiled and spitting snake,
screaming, save me, oh save me,
he had the presence of mind
to ask, in his kind and gentle way,
whether she would think him an ass,
an officious, overbearing pomp,
if he saved her from hissing death.