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Open Poetry #5
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I've forgotten the words
| Open Poetry #5 |
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I've forgotten the words |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Hi there, just to give some background for this, i've been struggling with anorexia for the past few years, and wanted to try to explain the difficulty of the illness, how its so seductive and destructive. Anyway, thanks for reading. I've forgotten the words I've been feeding my delusions, depression, and negativity Keep adding pieces, more ingredients, like you would in a blender Until you press the button, the razor whirls and mushes your courage and will So that its all you've tasted for the past five years Complacency, boredom and terror I have forgotten what ice cream tastes like Same with steak, hamburgers, Mcdonalds' All the good food, that i'm too afraid to allow myself to taste Sure i eat it, but i don't really taste it I'm too afraid of what it means I used to nearly fall out of my chair with excitement Could barely contain my joy, and euphoria I used to run wildly, cry at songs, laugh at jokes Dish my creativity out as if it were halloween candy. When the fear came, the creativity started turning inwards Eating away at its own foundations Blocked by the fear of a child who thinks that if he lets it out He'll be scolded, criticised, maligned for it Broken in two So instead, the child breaks himself, pre-emptively Like a spy for the government who takes cyanide when he's found out His game has been revealed, and he feels he's on trial for it He has to pay for it, be punished for who he is. He thinks he has to be something else, He thinks he's wrong And the adult inside the child can't believe it He's dumbstruck, at his own duplicity against himself Why is he killing himself? There is nothing wrong with me, why do i think there is What made me, convince myself i was the enemy I've forgotten how to talk to people How to use the words that they use How to walk the walk How to be normal like everyone else But i want to love ****, i do love I just won't admit it I can't admit Its too much to say Its too much to do Everything that you do Everything that you are Its too hard to keep up with you You are too strong, and too much for me to handle How was i ever born with you? And i want to scream and yell But its no use Because i can't hear myself I've deafened myself to the world I'm afraid of what i'll hear The world has become a concept An idea A vision Somewhere out there, over the rainbow Its not in front of my feet like it used to be Its an impenetrable dungeon of torture and restraint A child's nightmare on playback Rotating, over and over Like a skipped cd The song remains the same Same verse, same chorus, same bridge A song i've sang so many times That I've forgotten the words |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This gives me some sense of the torment that so many have to deal with. It must be a tough struggle. Hang in there. Denise |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very powerful, you've expressed all those emotions very well...I hope you learn how to sing again  |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Impressive - deep and I can feel your yearning for recovery. Excellent. I have never heard the word seductive used to describe it before - and through your poem I can see it for sure. Stay strong - and keep writing, you're good at it! K'...I want to be free - free to know people and their backgrounds - free to move to different parts of the world...' Sylvia Plath |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Beautiful wording here for something that causes you so much pain, hang in there hun, you seem to have a strong will to beat this. Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
A well written poem with so much emotion and feeling I really feel your strength I wish you the best in beating your disease it isnt easy |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You have a talent for expression for sure... This one speaks volumes.... |
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