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Open Poetry #5
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Elian's Promise
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Elian's Promise |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Elian's Promise Come with me, my beloved son away from here, so far to run a life that's better, can soon be had far from this land, where living is sad Across the sea, I hope to pass for the joy of freedom, that will everlast The journey is hard, not without pain my courage is strong, so much to gain We shall travel long, all through the night but the morning brings joy, along with light Away we flee, dark days of remorse my prayer for you, to stay the course A mother's love, seen through tears to end our peril, and these wasted years whatever the risk, we shall not fail for a better life, will surely prevail A dream come true in a special land where a Torch of Freedom, extends a hand Remember me, and the reason to come my sacrifice worthy for my beloved son. < !signature--> [This message has been edited by Danny Holloway (edited 01-18-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Danny Holloway - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
How absolutely beautiful and loving Danny  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I agree! Absoulutely wonderful...made me think of my great-grandparents sailing on a ship from Ireland in the late 1880's..... Wonderful poem, Danny! Denise And slight is the sting of his trouble Whose winnings are less than his worth; For he who is honest is noble, Whatever his fortunes or birth.~~~Alice Cary, ~Nobility~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
The flavor of this poem is so sweet. Great poem Danny! |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
You've penned a fine piece here, Danny, of hope and devotion. A poem~tale of a mother's inspiriting and assuring vow to help her son secure a better life. One small thought...the last two lines of the first stanza may need some shoring up to solidify your meaning. I understand that you mean "instead of" by the word "rather" but I had to reread it to get there. Wonder if you were to rework it just a tad? Something perhaps, like Come with me, my beloved son away from here, so far to run a life's thats better, can soon be had away from this land, where living is sad {or} far from this land, where living is sad {or} let's depart from this land, where living is sad or some other form of clarification more to your style and liking. Such a good piece, Danny! Take care, Claire |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Claire, Thank you for your comments. I have used one of your suggestions and it does improve the meaning. Thanks also to all who have responded. Your comments are much appreciated. DH |
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