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The Answer is.........
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The Answer is......... |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
It's been awhile since we've had a good debate here in the Alley. So here's a question designed to get this place hopping....answer honestly. What three qualities (listed in order of importance) do you look for in a significant other? |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Ok, hrm, this one is a toughie  I would say sweetness would be #1 intelligence would be #2 And physical beauty would be #3 I find it very difficult to be attracted to someone who does not have all 3 of these(or only the first 2 if online, heh) [This message has been edited by Mistikman (edited 02-29-2000).] |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
# 1 - Integrity # 2 - Sense of humor # 3 - Kindness I think these are the three most important qualities in a significant other...at least to me!  Denise |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Well, you would have to ask a question like this to get things going now wouldn't you? LOL Let's see... 1st, have to have God, because without HIM, things are tough enough 2nd, truthful! 3rd, loving and compassionate. I think I have my man! |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
LOL she said truthful Call me a cynic, but I find it hard to believe people when they dont put physical beauty as one of the things It has been my experience that people will completely blow someone(like me) off if they have all 3 of the things they list, but are not physically attractive. Am I the only one here willing to admit it? |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Personally I try not to look for anything in particular, I think that would limit me. I would agree with Mistikman about physical beauty but also say that personality can outwiegh physical appearence and vice versa. There are soooo many combinations of personal triats that can make someone beautiful or ugly that I couldn't list three. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Well, since I've been alone for more of my life than I would really care for, I guess this would be my list: 1) Living and breathing. 2) Actually female. 3) Not a lesbian.  Alicat the Persnikitty |
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
honest intelligent somewhat attractive, though not necessarily in the classic "frat boy" sense the first two definitely outweigh the last, but i tend to be more open to getting to know attractive people, so i will admit that is a factor. however, the one guy i have been in love with is not considered at all attractive by any of my friends. and i have dated very attractive guys who found themselves girlfriendless because they failed to make intelligent conversation. "I'm just saying that we've mistaken one for thousands of words, and for that mistake I've caused you such pain that I damn that word." -10000 Maniacs "Jezebel" |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
intelligence honesty/openess passion i can honestly say that physical appearance doesn't do much for me. i find the mind to be so much more attractive and it is lasting. not like physical appearance. for some reason i seem to attract tall and lanky artistic types. and i put passion for the last thing because it leaves things pretty broad. a passion for life, love, beliefs, and development leads to excitement and opportunity. things will never get boring. anyway, that's what does it for me. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Intelligence Integrity Strength - in all things: passion, wit and anything else. Mistikman - I can see your point, but I fully believe skin is a mere surface - the minute I get close to a drop dead gorgeous guy and find out he is a airhead - then byebye. Not to say I don't NOTICE and of course am attracted to goodlooking guys - but anything meaningful? Not unless the first three are adhered to. Uhuh, no way! K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Easy question, PdV - and a very good one it is..  First and foremost - INTELLIGENCE - This is an absolute must - Without the ability to communicate on a balanced intellectual level, the relationship will invariably be short-lived. I've experienced that first hand. Second - SENSITIVITY - This covers all that passionate, affectionate stuff that's soooo important for a long-lasting attachment. Gotta have it... Third - A SENSE OF HUMOR - No one could ever put up with me unless he has one. I like to have fun. If you can't enjoy the lighter side of life, it becomes cumbersome. Laughter is essential... Physical attraction? In my opinion, the three attributes I've already mentioned - all rolled into one package - definitely constitutes physical attraction... It's physical "appearance" that's totally irrelevant... Oh - Free to love - that's an important factor - I thought I'd throw that in... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
If my dog likes this person; if this person is good to his/her parents; and has a sense of humor. You can't fool a dog, so intelligence follows; you can't be kind to others if you didn't learn it from your folks; and humor has a way of smoothing over all the rough edges. So, PdV, where's the conflict in all of this? [P.S. - my spouse benefits from all these qualities...that's why, after 20 years, we still manage to live together...] Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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KathieO Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 14Canada |
1. Honesty 2. Caring/open heart and mind 3. Passion Although reference has been made to physical....in my opinion...there is nothing like being committed to someone who can also penetrate your mind. KathieO [This message has been edited by KathieO (edited 03-01-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Here are mine: Kindness...there is nothing better in the world than being with someone who is kind to everyone since I try to be kind to everybody I come in contact with, it makes it nice if the person I'm with understands and doesn't get upset that I'm that way. Intelligent/smart...not necessary college educated....I'm not an education snob...degrees don't matter unless you have a fever! A sense of humor! Oh, my he would never survive around me without one! Since I started this may I add one? I'm going to anyway! Honesty...the cornerstone of every relationship. I don't care what you do..what horrible thing you did..just be honest with me... |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
1). He needs to have a sence of humor, definitely. (how else could he put up with me, anyway?) 2). He needs to be sensitive. I am extremely emotional and I need someone to understand that part of me, especially because it is such a wild part. 3). He needs to be open and somewhat in touch with his own emotions. I cannot handle people (as much as I've tried) that are cut of from their emotions, that are cold. I need to be able to talk about anything, good or bad with him, and have him talk to me too. In short, exactly what a certain someone is. That's made my life wonderful in every way and has taught me how to truly love. ~Alwye, The mushy, in love sap~ *Krista Knutson* "Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~ |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Wow, good question. And lol@Alicat. silly kitty. 1. MUST be a Christian. Equally yoked and all. 2. Sensitivity is a must. I too, am pretty emotional. I need a guy who can handle it, and who understands and is there for me. 3. Inteligence. I love a good conversation, intelectually stimulating me is a good thing. As far as looks, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I find to be attractive in a guy my best friend might think is a total turn off. And looks change, beauty fades. If you're in love with their heart, you'll be attracted to everything else about them. "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Ok, in all seriousness, this is my short list: 1) MUST be Christian: I've loved many who were not and got the most burned by it. 2) A sense of Humor: nuff said 3) Someone who truly understand I Corinthians, Chapter 13, vss 4-8a. I know these are hard and high standards, but if I can embody them, so must someone else out there...somewhere. Alicat, the not so Persnikitty |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
It is so hard to list just three things, there are so many different traits that make up a person's personality. I agree that there has to be some level of physical attraction towards your significant other, however, someone's personality can make them so attractive!! I'll try to list three... lol Strength & Honesty: Strength in all things (Just like miss Kamla said!) Honesty goes with strength because it takes a strong person to be truly honest, in my opinion. Honesty is so very important to me, and it would take a strong person to deal with the fact that I can be brutally honest at times. I could never be involved with someone I did not respect. Intelligent!!...but not necessarily 'book' smart. I need to be able to have some kind of stimulating conversation. Ambitious: Go get 'em tiger!!  Someone who has goals and strives to reach them! May I never be too busy to help another's load, Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed. --Author Unknown |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well, not neccessarily in this order mind you: Integrity, which in itself, includes honesty not only to others but to themselves as to whom they are as well as a genuine moral soundness, not just a professed one. Ambition, meaning a desire to achieve something in life. What exactly they are striving for is irrelevant - but the setting of goals and a determination to reach those goals is very important to me. One has to make their own happiness in this world, anyone waiting for someone to come along and make their world roses for them in setting themselves up for disappointment. Only when a person is already content in their own life will a partener be able to add to their happiness. They have to be Loving. Love as described in the bible. Kind, caring, compassionate, unselfish, not provoking, not seeking its own, not weighing fault...love. Not a love that is fickle or based upon infatuation, not a love that is based upon expectation, and most of all, a love that is forgiving in nature. Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 03-04-2000).] |
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Ladycat
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782At the edge and a doorway,TX |
I have my list, but before that I have two things to say. Alicat, you need help love. The first answer was funny though. The second answer #3- ICorinthians, chapter13, vss4-8a. Remember that is a hard to find quality. I agree with you there. #1- Honesty- without that you have no relationship. Everything has to be truthful. #2- Intelligence- a dumb guy is not a guy. He becomes plant life while you are talking to him if he has no brains. #3- Sense of humor- my father had it, my grandfather had it, and now my husband has it. It is what keeps things together when it feels like both of you are going to fall apart. I won't lie though, as Mistikman said "it is hard to believe ppl when they don't put physical beauty as one of there things.." For one.. These are the top three things that ppl are looking for. Beauty would be on the list, but not as high as honesty. Beauty can't buy happiness, though it sure helps out. I think that I'm beautiful, but beauty is in the eye if the beholder. So what I think is beauty may register a high ugh on your scale. That is the reason why I leave that off. Though I have to say that I'm glad to see that honesty, intelligence, and a sense of humor seem to lead the list!! Though I also have to agree with Satiate. You have to have ambition. Oh, Ali, I hope that you find that living breathing person that you desire.. lol Love, Lady [This message has been edited by Ladycat (edited 03-05-2000).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I only have two requirements... 1- She must be perfect. 2- She must think I am the most incredible peson in the world. (Well, actually I think that would probably fall under #1, since it's true, and being perfect, she would recognize this!) [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 03-06-2000).] |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
#1. HONESTY #2. COMPASSION/ROMANCE #3. INTELLIGENCE |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Breasts and thighs. Definitely breasts and thighs. What? By "significant other" you are not talking about what parts of chicken I prefer? I was sure that's what you all were talking about when Saxoness started talking about "yolks". OHHHH! "Yokes" as in oxen yokes. Oops. My mistake.  Well, my wife's physical beauty snagged me (I'll never forget that red, white and blue bathing suit ... grrrrowwwwllll). But after I was snagged she retained me with her honesty, loyalty, intelligence and kindness. She's still a hotty (even after bearing my two sons) but I love her much more for who she is rather than for what she looks like. So I guess I am saying that there is a difference between what I was "looking" for (that I found in that bathing suit) and what I was really "looking" for (that found me in falling in love with my wife). Am I making any sense? Oh well. Later. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 03-06-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'll be honest. I'm with Jim. You guys can be all the wonders you want but I fell in love because of the way she moved, the way she held a coffee cup, the way she kissed. After that, it's the sense of humor, the sheer intelligence (it actually fits by the way), and the crazy idea that she actually loves me. Who'd figure, Brad |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Brad, you have a very good point - no matter what the qualities I've looked for, love itself is not biased to anything. It's always been there right from the beginning and it's usually the little things. The way she laughs, or the way she makes me laugh..etc. Michael |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
1. Acceptance, for I am an imperfect person 2. Likable, for I want a friend as well as a lover 3. Devotion, in equal proportions to my own |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Okay guys...I think I meet most of your requirements. Except perhaps Christopher's...I am not and have never claimed to be perfect...and Jim's...not sure I got the thigh thing down pat here...LOL. But otherwise |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Takes a few tries to get it right, but eventually you find what you want! LOL Here it is: Strength - In all areas, but especially emotional. What is a man, if he can't carry himself as such? Mental strength / emotional strength, BIG must. Independant Drive- A man who dreams on his own, and has something to offer, not just looking for what he can get from someone else. Not dependant. Complete Honesty- Doesn't just say what he knows you want to hear. Says what's in his heart, feels it, means it, lives it. Does not "change" as the wind blows... And of course LOVE...you'll see it in his eyes, right along with the laughter that he shares, and the honesty that he lives. |
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HM3 Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169TX |
1 Honesty (begets trust) 2 Compassion (begets love) 3 IntelliSence (begets honor when combined with 1 & 2) |
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AngelDust Junior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 30Minnesota |
1. Loving. This is by far the most important trait because it determins what happens in the relationship. If you love someone, you are far more apt to stick together. 2. Forgiving. This is also another big one because people are bound to make mistakes. And if one is not forgiving enough to give that person a second chance, then that person needs to lighten up! 3. Emotions. Emotions are very important because they are what opens the door for communications in a relationship. Without them, all you get are blunt, shallow phrases, that are only said for a more physical relationship. Thanks for reading, -Angel- P.S. I just joined, and I love Passions! |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Trust/Honesty:being truthful to me, to himself as to who he is,Honest as in openess, Love is built on trust. Intelligence:Good communication,understanding, listener, able to think deep thoughts and dream dreams, goal oriented.Stands on what he believes in.Protector/provider. Emotional: able to give and receive love,knows me and my needs, puts others before self (non-selfish),shows sympathy, cries when sad, Forgives, able to love me for me,Loves God.Sensitive, considerate,respectful, optimistic,encourager,Companion,best friend. Physical attraction comes after, I am attracted to intelligence, the way a man handles himself around others, The flesh rots away with time, love is what holds you together. "Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O,no! it is an ever-fixed mark....William Shakespeare |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
honesty first and foremost compassion and understanding (grouping these two together as one) self-assurance ok on physical apperance - I have to admit I have judged people on their physical apperance and I am always left wanting in the end so I try not to judge people on physical apperance and try to connect with people on a more emotional level after all I do not like to be judged by my looks... kind of like read the book not the cover i suppose ~*Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~ |
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Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
1. Faithful/devoted to our marriage 2. Intellegent 3. Passionate LJA fits the bill on all three!!! |
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Cheshire Grin Junior Member
since 2000-03-06
Posts 14'Stute |
Being totally self-centered, here are my demands: 1)Must have opposable thumbs. (Cats cannot yet operate can openers.) 2)Must have all the time in the world to see to my needs. (Like scratching behind my ears.) 3)Must worship the ground I walk upon, and overlook the drapes I shred. (If the Egyptians revered me as a God, so can she.) *purrs like an idling Hawg*  |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
1. Genuine Kindness 2. Sense of Humour 3/ Some things in common with each other. Sad huh? May the world hug you today, With it's warmth and love. I pray it whispers a joyful tune in your heart, That tell you there is a friend sitting in another corner of the world, Wishing you well and wishing you love...... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
1. Acceptance~ I'm not perfect, and to be honest, probably a bit strange. 2. Honesty~ I've always been cheated out of something, because so far very few of the men I've met were honest with me. 3. Sense of humor~ What can I say? |
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CrEaTuRe Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 260Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia |
Well as for as for me well : Love : you got love each other or else you are asting your time .... so he has to love me as much i as i love him (i'm still looking for him)  Truthful: that's the basic part of a relationship, if you don't have that well you don't have much co'z i think you wouldn't want to be worried of what your love might do if you were caught be a liar ( i think mine wouldn't want to be caught either)Understanding: he got to understand me well as it is important to for the both of us. he has to be able to fulfill my needs that's all i think is good enough |
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Cuelos New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 1Belgium |
All that she wants is 3 little wishes She wants to see with your eyes She wants to smile with your smile She wants a nice surprise Every once in a while "Depeche Mode" Here they come: 1. Inner beauty 2. Honesty 3. Sensitivity "From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view." |
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dhuron Member
since 2000-03-19
Posts 476 |
ROTFL 1. Think I am a god... j/k 1. Has to be a very caring and loving person 2. Not Shallow or vain 3. Has to make me feel special and loved. The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, not the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship." --Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
1. A sense of humour 2. Intelligence 3. Loving and Accepting And just for good measure....anything but perfect because I'm not! Marina |
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