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Critical Analysis #2
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Lost
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Lost |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
In the silhouette of the bicycles that we rode. Desires were sometimes within the suggestions of our taught canyons of faith. Which summoned our convenience with our hair so natured, how could it be different from what we know now. Fitting into those lost footprints we pondered our purpose as the Caldor seemed so close to the questions that we hold onto like tracks following the endless plains. Hoping for the mountains to return to what karma was once before. Our eyes were to fully open- so, maybe I’ll close them now. If nothing is something then everything is our thoughts and feelings and all that exists. [This message has been edited by mysticpoe (12-21-2003 03:11 PM).] |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
You build some strong lines from some very simple words in this one and I enjoyed the overall piece. The one thing that does bother me are the ellipses. They just never seem to work for me. I realize you mean these lines as a climactic close and would like to suggest a period instead, after “before”, then isolating “So” Thusly: “Hoping for the mountains to return to what karma was once before. Our eyes were to fully open— so, maybe I’ll close them now.” For what it’s worth, Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com www.primerhymeetc.com [This message has been edited by cynicsRus (12-21-2003 03:14 AM).] |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
CynicsRus, thanks for taking the time with this piece. I like your suggestions. Brings the ending thru more smoothly. Thanks. wayne If nothing is something |
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