»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
911
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
911 |
|
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I watched a movie that showed the New York skyline. I miss the towers. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I think I saw that one too. Can't argue with you on this one. |
||
|
hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
What movie? I think that might add some depth to this poem... I understand you're using the haiku format and it's meant to be kind of simplistic, and that the message is in the simplicity itself and all that... but I can't help but feel that this is just a little too simple, a little too plain. Maybe I'm missing something? |
||
|
gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
I know, I make that differentiation in every movie/drama/sitcom I see - is it pre or post 9/11? So I think you are striking a real chord with this, that sense of so much emotion condensed into one glimpse, it has real potential. Maybe one way to make the impact stronger is to take the "I"s out of it and put eyes into it. Now, the reader is seeing you have that moment, or maybe even more removed, seeing you remember that moment, but the greater potential is to bring them into the moment itself. One possibility: watching a movie showing the New York skyline. missing the towers. But it is such a strong image, please forgive me for playing with it a bit: watching a movie glimpse of New York skyline now missing the towers. lot of ways to go, with this, but I feel to do more is an infringement on your moment. A very strong insight that resonates. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
How often the simple form best conveys the complexities of human thought and emotion. I saw that movie too..... and thought & felt likewise. Though this is a non-traditional use of the 5-7-5 haiku style, which is primarily used to present profound thought within the context of a nature theme, I believe it tells all about this subject for me. I would not change a word, Brad. But then I most prefer the laconic verse. CB 8) |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: I think you picked the right form for this. As I understand haiku and senryu, the reader is expected to allow the poem to guide his contemplation of it. Had this not been the case, I think the final line would have fallen flat. Your word choice in "I miss the towers" didn't ring particularly clear to me on the first read. Sure, when I watch movies set in NY, I often scan the skyline looking for the towers. Seeing them or not seeing them evokes similar feelings in me, but I wouldn't say that I would choose "I miss the towers" as a first reaction. But then you didn't intend that to be case, did you? I have little doubt that our initial reaction is the same. Who can't recall the horror of that day? The feeling of "missing" the towers comes later when you think of what their continued existence would have meant. The world irrekovably changed that day and the absense of those towers on the big screen serves as a reminder of this. If the poem has a weakness, I think it would be that it fails to be forward-looking. I suppose when I reflect on what happened on 9/11, I also think of what awaits us tomorrow. Good offering, Brad. Thanks for the read. Jim |
||
|
dwgpoet Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122FL, USA |
Edward Dorn style song; An American Haiku; Great poem; Enough said copyright dwgpoet 2007 |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
