Back to Kingdom - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

Back to Kingdom

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

0 posted 2003-12-17 02:28 PM

Back to Kingdom

Foamy flow's blue acres them greet
With new lifeways on wave
Bosomy brawns lift the fleet
And keelsides' timber lave.
Gripgiver, Heaven's wielder, speeds
Their steering with his sign
Gripkeepers with bravery's deeds
Thro-follow shade and shine.
War with weather, onrush of rain
Ocean's ire, bluster fell
Divine will let goers sustain
Thro' blasts and stormy swell.
Wavewanderers, never are wan
That learn the mystery
How brave faith may shield ways upon
A tempest-stirring sea.
Native nesses again will know
Princes that highness court
Waterwagon again will flow
Back to the kingly port.

[This message has been edited by Essorant (12-17-2003 09:02 PM).]

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

1 posted 2003-12-24 05:05 PM

I like it...I would play around with the format here try changing the order of a few of the lines or editing out a couple. Also look at not using a Cap on the first letter of every line just to see how it looks.

[This message has been edited by wintertao (12-24-2003 05:06 PM).]

Craw
Member

since 2003-09-11

Posts 73
Scotland

2 posted 2003-12-26 09:58 AM

I was all set to be irritated but the style ended up reminding me of George Mackay Brown, the Orcadian poet. Have you read his work? This has the same tough, timeless and elemental feel; all salt and wet wood.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.