navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Notes from genoa
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic Notes from genoa Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
risen
New Member
since 2003-12-26
Posts 6


0 posted 2003-12-26 07:49 PM



Written with the images of The anti globilisation protests in genoa, in which a protestor was murdered by a rent a cop.

its a strange style, yet hopefully it brings out the pain and emotions within the subject.

anyway, hope you enjoy

Notes from Genoa

one line
the separation
between the people and the dream
a time ahead
against the order
a self reliance
free, no borders
a look ahead,
yet over shoulders

Charge!

Spontanious, reaction
stench of fear
Down with the old
down with YOUR new
authority
a lie
the line
stretched, not broken
a call
Death
still as a swamp

Retreat

a battle lost
dead
one shot
a communtity morns
the world
stunned
no lies anymore
your sins on film
no questions

Regroup

Movement,
amassed, we lie
the night will come
bigger, faster
submit
its your turn now
we lived repressed
its your turn now

Charge!

© Copyright 2003 risen - All Rights Reserved
wintertao
Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL
1 posted 2003-12-26 08:23 PM


I didnt find the form strange at all and I liked it alot...having said that I think the 2 middles stanza's could be cut and make for a much starker picture and a better poem...sometimes its best not to tell the whole story, leave a little mystery, but thats just me. Just one opinion and as such means less than zero, anyway I liked it, well done.
Anyway this is how it looks cut, alt title:


Your Sins on Film

Notes from Genoa;
one line
the separation
between the people and the dream
a time ahead
against the order
a self reliance
free, no borders
a look ahead,
yet over shoulders

  Charge!
  Retreat.
  Regroup.

Movement,
amassed, we lie
the night will come
bigger, faster
submit
its your turn now
we lived repressed
its your turn now

Charge!

[This message has been edited by wintertao (12-26-2003 08:33 PM).]

risen
New Member
since 2003-12-26
Posts 6

2 posted 2003-12-26 08:44 PM


hmmm, thanks a lot thats interesting, although i would like to find a way of incorperating the thing about the murder into it, cos its kinda integral to what the poem is, but i'l play, and post my results

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Notes from genoa

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary