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We always knew
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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We always knew |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Your view extended beyond the snowcap distance from which you lived. Long ago, it seems now those trailing come-backs so often noticed, then, were they a part of that other feeling you always offered at the right moment when you found me, knowing that something was there. Holding onto my shyness with suggesting clouds that I could not see. You brought me again To this place. For one more answer in time, never to really know until such endings, eventually dissolved, for both us as we at last, enter - and now play apart of this view. We always knew. If nothing is something |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
I like the feel of this, the kind of tense breathlessness of it, but as it stands parts of it are impenetrable, eg "...never to really know until such endings, eventually dissolved, for both of us as we at last, enter..." "Long ago, it seems now those trailing comebacks so often noticed, then, were they a part of that other feeling..." I think you could keep the pace of this but simplify the clumsy constructions, something like, Your view extended beyond the snowcap distance where you lived. Long ago it seems now. Were these (trailing) comebacks a part of those feelings, offered... It wouldn't be hard to chop a path. As I say, there's an anxious pace to the piece I like. "Holding onto my shyness with suggesting clouds" sounds ludicrous as it stands. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Craw, thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate you helping me out here. I'll try a new revision on this; taking into account your suggestions. Thanks again. wayne |
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