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Rhythm
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Rhythm |
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Astro Member
since 2003-01-08
Posts 69Ca. |
Rhythm Rhythm? Never had much use for it -- Maybe ‘cause I’m white. I am adept at using simple syllables, But I guess that isn’t right. I should pair words like alliterate With masturbate – sorry, Freudian slip, But the words are multi-syllabic And that makes my rhythm more hip. There’s the speaking voice, too. What I mean is, do I deliver the words With the passion of birds Who sing for the dawn’s red hue? Of course, that’s not the best example As birds are quite simple, and their song Is awkward and random. I should speak more like a jackhammer Whose tandem handles rock and sway With a rhythm that never gives way And I can pound my meaning into The mental ground of a nation weaned on Rhythm. Sight is an always awful beginning |
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| © Copyright 2003 Luke Austin Donatello - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Sorry, can't seem to stop myself, another bump. |
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kjb New Member
since 2007-10-17
Posts 7Australia |
Nothing to add. loved the ending. Bump! |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi astro! Well, you're right, rhythm isn't your thing.  I take it that this poems is primarily a humorous gloss on that deficiency, though it gets a bit serious toward the end.Rhythm? Never had much use for it -- Maybe ‘cause I’m white. Now, that's silly. I don't have any idea of your age, but if you are thinking in terms of music other than rap, I can think of a lot of white people with rhythm. To touch on a number of bases at once: Cole Porter, George Gershwin, Dave Brubeck, Joni Mitchell, Phoebe Snow, Julie London, Hoagy Charmicael and on. White rappers? Only Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas comes to mind. If you're worried about not being able to rap like Vanilla Ice or Kevin Federline, I wouldn't sweat it. There's nothing there. If you'r thinking in terms of poetry, the statement makes even less sense. I am adept at using simple syllables, But I guess that isn’t right. Of course being adept at using simple syllables is right. "Faces in the metro, petals on a wet black bough." Pretty simple syllables. Worked for Ezra Pound. I should pair words like alliterate With masturbate – sorry, Freudian slip, But the words are multi-syllabic And that makes my rhythm more hip. Aside from the "should" business, this is delightful self-satire. It's totally a-rythmical. There’s the speaking voice, too. What I mean is, do I deliver the words With the passion of birds Who sing for the dawn’s red hue? Again, self satire? If you're not concerned with rhythym, why bother to rhyme? As birds are quite simple, and their song Is awkward and random. Now, that's a good fresh image! OK: The poem gets serious and interesting here: I should speak more like a jackhammer Whose tandem handles rock and sway With a rhythm that never gives way And I can pound my meaning into The mental ground of a nation weaned on Rhythm. Lotta good stuff going on here. Again, I question the "should" stuff, but the thought is Whitmanesque. Heavy gravy. Here's a Whitman-y take: I speak like a jackhammer Whose tandem handles rock and sway With a rhythm never ceasing All to pound my meaning into The mental ground of a nation weaned on Relentless Rhythm. Just a thought. Also, someone is likely to suggest that you don't capitalize lines unless the first word is the beginning of a sentence. Ignore it. That's "should" stuff. When one thinks in terms of poetics, poetry can be enhanced by, but is not limited to either meter or rhyne. Assonance, dissonance, consonanse, and breath (line length) all play their part and can play them independent of structure, but they still add up to rhythm. This is an endlessly debated point in numerous threads, so this is just me yappin'. Best, Jim |
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