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Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

0 posted 2003-12-02 12:52 PM

Some say I'm slightly syllabic,
...idiomatic I am not,
Onomatopoeian,
...dialectic's what I've got,
Inflected etymology,
...I've lost my lexicon,
Vocabulated diatrabes,
...acronymbal on the lawn,
I'll truncate all my variances,
...let's split infinitives,
A capital superlative,
...malapropisms, my reprieve.
Is that your participle dangling,
...there upon the floor?
You look just like my grammar,
...have we ever metaphor?
Once I was an adjective,
...now I am a pronoun,
I ran in a pentameter,
...imabic not a noun,
It's time for my sestina,
...oxymoron I've been called,
Parsing gerunds on my forehead,
...kerfuffle, going bald,
I had a preposition,
...conjugation was my aim,
Redundantly intransitive,
...possessive she became,
My car is discombobulated,
...did puncuate my tire,
Alliteration with a match,
...to meter my desire.
If odist seems nonsensical,
...sonnets will agree,
My object is adverbial,
...Praise be my simile!
I figurative it's time to go,
...causative I've talked too long,
Archaically linguistic,
...no more I will prolong
For I fear that my bombasticness
...has much to my dismay,
Rendered me eschewable,
...has rendered me cliché.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2003-12-02 02:49 AM

Now you know I am not capable of giving you a critique but I can say I absolutely loved this. However, I think you have had way too much time on your hands

Excellent as usual in my eyes, but am anxious to hear what those capable of giving you constructive feedback have to say.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2003-12-02 08:59 AM

Tim
I think it's a stretch of Roget's Theauras.
LOL but enjoyed.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

3 posted 2003-12-02 10:48 AM

I diagnose an overdose of jocose verbose. Joyce

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

4 posted 2003-12-02 03:23 PM

Clever and creative.

I especially liked the line:

"...acronymbal on the lawn,"

I love the image it created. LOL

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

5 posted 2003-12-02 07:18 PM

Reminds me of something I heard on "Whadda Ya Know" (NPR Saturday morning show). Really reminds me.

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

6 posted 2003-12-02 07:38 PM

Never had the opportunity, I will have to listen to it sometime. Sounds like my type of show.

To the others, thank you kindly for your gracious replies.

[This message has been edited by Tim (12-02-2003 09:47 PM).]

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

7 posted 2003-12-02 10:26 PM

Tim,
I must agree, this really is quite clever and I sincerely enjoyed it.

Sid

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primerhymeetc.com

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

8 posted 2003-12-02 10:55 PM

Tim -
Never read any others from you, but if they're all like this, I look forward to your next one. Really clever. Great job with it.

...have we ever metaphor?

That's my favorite line.

Great job man!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

9 posted 2003-12-02 11:09 PM

Tim~
Creatively word-clever is this penning~
Adore it~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
[email protected]

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

10 posted 2003-12-03 10:15 PM

*snickers*...errr...sumbuddys just showin off now...Tim...your one baaad poet (spaking sircasitcalllyyy of corse) tee hee...i want to send this to all of my intlelergent friends so they can tell me the phemanimal expellnation of wut the heck all this blah blah blah means =). (spakeing more sireeuslee now) i really liked this, you put a lot of work into it and i appreciate it. other than that i don't have very good critique eyes so i'll leave that to the perfectionals. =).

(your illiterate fellow poet)

- River

p.s. this one goes to my lirbary

Love hurts as bad as it feels good.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

11 posted 2003-12-04 01:28 PM

Tim:

This must have taken some time.

Clever and entertaining. At times it is difficult to get the meaning of your near-puns and sometimes my having to grab my dictionary broke the flow of my read, but you have some priceless lines in there:

quote:
You look just like my grammar,
...have we ever metaphor?

I ran in a pentameter,
...[iambic] not a noun,

[Alliteration with a match,
...to meter my desire.

A few typos with diatribes, iambic, kafuffle, and punctuate, but besides that a fun, albeit exhausting, read.

Jim

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

12 posted 2003-12-05 12:45 PM

Again, thank you all for the gracious comments and Jim for pointing out the typos although I believe kerfuffle is correct. I cannot correct them because of the 24 hour rule. I am afraid my laziness is not one of my stronger points, and I should have caught those.

I actually wrote this as my wife was watching a Lifetime Movie which is not one of my favorite evenings of entertainment, but which I accept as penance for my husbandly shortcomings.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

13 posted 2003-12-05 08:24 AM

Lifetime ~gasp~ ... just how serious do your shortcomings have to be to deserve such severe penance!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2003-12-08 06:19 PM

She should punish you more often...but that is only my humble opinion, because I would read more of what you judge to be shortcomings...

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