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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Untitled Frozen heart Dilapidated muscle Faded in silence Content with possibility. Holds silently onto something. Perhaps, someone. Intent and focused, on this grasp of despair loose grip of hope suddenly screams, as it releases through the fingers. Gone Content with nothing |
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Magic Solias Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 73California, USA |
Interesting. First content with possibility and then content with nothing. Appears that the verse between "contnet with possibility" and "conent with nothing" supposedly indicated the loss of contentment with possibility. There we see that something is lost and released. So first one is content with a possibility of something, then looses something and then is content with nothing. That's real frustation, not being content with anything! Well, correct me if that wasn't your intended meaning. Magic Solias |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Hi there. 'Frozen heart Dilapidated muscle Faded in silence Content with possibility.' Um, these images don't exactly evoke an idea of possibility to me... maybe words that imply more potential... for example, intstead of dilapidated muscle, how about something like relaxed? Something that doesn't show an inability to move. This poem makes me think of the process, and the moment of death. I'm not sure, though, if the subject is the dying or a loved one of the dying. I think you should flesh this out to include more detial so we can really see the whole picture here. |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Hey, Thanks for responding guys. First of all, I just wanted to post something. I discovered this website a while ago, but have only been posting in the 'teen' section. I hate it. The comments I get are "sweeeeeeeeeet" and the criticism I get is "it was really good, dont change anything." So I mostly just wanted to post in here to see if I could get some responses. I appreciate them. I wrote this poem a while ago after I broke up with my girlfriend (wrote a lot then). She said we may go back again... that was the 'content with possibility.' Then eventually, we fought so much, we knew we wouldn't. That was 'content with nothing', although reading back now, I wasn't really 'content.' Anyways, after reading this poem now, I realize there is a lot of work to do on it. I'm just glad I found a good forum to post things in. Thanks |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, DB, if you really are tired of the "That's wonderful" comments then you have come to the right place. There just aren't too many of those around here. Why? Because there are damn few "wonderful" poems written. But we all keep trying. With a little help from our friends, we may improve marginally. Maybe someday one or two of us will write one of those truly memorable poems. Who knows? Welcome to the forum, Pete |
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