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Critical Analysis #2

Dancing with the devil

beckers716
Junior Member

since 2003-11-16

Posts 39
Ohio

0 posted 2003-11-16 09:14 PM

Strolled with the devil to the edge of the world
Offered him my soul to become his girl
Satisfaction crossed his face as he held out his hand
In an instant I was totally consumed by this man
We embraced on the cliff before I fell
To a path that led me straight through hell
The pain I needed to be set free
When the demons inside took over me
Playing a game I couldn't win
His magic potion lured me in
A jab in the arm, the fire inside
I nodded when he asked me along for the ride
The memories in motion all around me
I had to go blind before I could see
Transformed from human to a creature of night
Mingling somewhere between death and life
I let go of myself when I gave into him
Assuming he would make me whole again
Now I prowl the streets hoping to find
The one thing I need to ease my mind
With the pain comes the pleasure I desperatly seek
Pretending to be strong, but knowing I am weak
Praying in vain to attain one goal
That before its too late, the Devil wwill return my soul

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2003-11-17 12:00 PM

'Strolled with the devil to the edge of the world
Offered him my soul to become his girl'

'I nodded when he asked me along for the ride'

So, was it the narrator's idea, or the devil's?

I kind of like the idea that she went out looking for trouble... the idea of a strong woman who gambles and wins, as opposed to this representation.

But, it is your poem, and if you meant to portray the victim, I'd change the first two lines, and maybe play up a little more on the narrator's prayer and reliance on God at the end.

Other than that confusion, I think the way you use rhyme here seems kind of constricting.... you might be better able to flesh out ideas without falling back on the rhyme scheme. Also, you should make sure to edit your poem for typos before posting.

Hope I've helped.

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