Critical Analysis #2 |
space and string...faceless masses |
Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
I won’t promise you glamour And I can’t promise you fame I can only bring you here To this hollowed out space This space where nothing is This space where nothing was This is your method I can only be your madness You can come here to cry Or you can come here to die It doesn’t matter who It doesn’t matter how Nor when, where, or why This is just a place A place that I go sometimes It never held a secret And it never concealed my lie A pose is a face, of angel hell This dig holds no water It’s just a damp, empty well And like we’ve all said before You can come here to frown Yet should the faceless starve You can come here to drown Of space and string Of massacre and face-value Of love and beauty Of longing and desire Of glamour and OD’ing Of things you’ll never need Of things I’ll never be |
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© Copyright 2003 Ryan - All Rights Reserved | |||
cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
You have an interesting premise here; graphic imagery of drugs and hopelessness. I simply found it difficult to fully appreciate the seriousness of your message when the entire thing scans a bit like a Dr. Seuss book. My only suggestion would be to write it out in shorter stanzas and change each line break, so that it requres a longer, (more “serious” breath) to read it, while giving no concern to where the rhymes fall. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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