space and string...faceless masses

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Critical Analysis #2

space and string...faceless masses

Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

0 posted 2003-11-09 09:12 PM

I won’t promise you glamour
And I can’t promise you fame
I can only bring you here
To this hollowed out space
This space where nothing is
This space where nothing was
This is your method
I can only be your madness
You can come here to cry
Or you can come here to die
It doesn’t matter who
It doesn’t matter how
Nor when, where, or why
This is just a place
A place that I go sometimes
It never held a secret
And it never concealed my lie

A pose is a face, of angel hell
This dig holds no water
It’s just a damp, empty well
And like we’ve all said before
You can come here to frown
Yet should the faceless starve
You can come here to drown

Of space and string
Of massacre and face-value
Of love and beauty
Of longing and desire
Of glamour and OD’ing
Of things you’ll never need
Of things I’ll never be

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

1 posted 2003-11-16 02:08 PM

You have an interesting premise here; graphic imagery of drugs and hopelessness. I simply found it difficult to fully appreciate the seriousness of your message when the entire thing scans a bit like a Dr. Seuss book.
My only suggestion would be to write it out in shorter stanzas and change each line break, so that it requres a longer, (more “serious” breath) to read it, while giving no concern to where the rhymes fall.

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primerhymeetc.com

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