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Critical Analysis #2
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D.Lester Young
Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219
Austin, Tx

0 posted 2003-11-14 02:23 AM


Censored words
apprehensive solitary
procrastinated agitation
regurgitated phobias
reactive determination..

Soul winds
breathing deep
refreshing clarity
reviving spirit
swallowing nourishment.

Passionate writing
escaping thoughts
climbing motivation
elevating emotions
creative liberation.

Psychological effects
levitating plain
spirted highs
spontaneous revival
soothing accomplishments.

Meditating quiet
surviving answers
ocean breezes
mental waves
questioning reassurance.

Exhilarated stimulation
monumental achievement
challenged horizon
abstract self-portrait
finding definition.

Masterful presentation
individualistic performance
peer acclamation
defining moment
unleashed contentment.

D.Lester Young
The beauty of liberal arts is that I can see conservative ideas and respect them but still see the open sky of exploring my own mind.  11/13/03


© Copyright 2003 David Lester Young - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2003-11-14 10:05 PM


Okay, try not to take this too personally, but this seems like a long collection of phrases that unltimately add up to nothing more substantial than an ego-stroke. Let me explain:

'Censored words
apprehensive solitary
procrastinated agitation
regurgitated phobias
reactive determination..'

The author/narrator feels affronted when people tell him "you can't say that here..." and revels in the rogue loner role.

And the rest is basically how this narrator 'refreshes clarity' by apparently rising above, refusing to sink to their level, and pleases himself by writing himself onto an enlightened plain, where poetry (evidently) flows forth from the mind, unfettered from pragmatic concerns, eventually leading to:

'Masterful presentation
individualistic performance
peer acclamation
defining moment
unleashed contentment.'

Well... if you are writing a poem that tells us how good your poetry is, believe me, it's not that good. I'm not even going to give this one affirmation, let alone acclamation. I suggest that you find something more substantial to write about, and focus your ability to collect phrases (preferably at leat a little better-flowing and less disconnected than these) and work from there.

Hope I've helped.

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