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Critical Analysis #2
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Short and sweet...
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Short and sweet... |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
a cicatrix latticework of skin on skin as if it is another skin that grows to fill my own what girl did this? years are superimposed on these legs, on breast, belly and hip and in my fashion I shed years but do not shed these scars --- Going for a more simplistic, contemplative style here... does it work, or do I end up sounding bland in the attempt? Thanks in advance for comments. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No-- its not bland at all... perhaps cryptic is a better word? This poem fascinates me...and it makes me want more.( just a little)  First off I really like the word play, the assonance and vocab of that first line is what drew me in. And you taught me a new word-- cicatrix which is always cool...and then once I learned what the word meant, I realized that line's connection with the last line's meaning, ( clever use of vocab and extended metaphor) The closing couplet is very cool and has the poetic impact needed to make these type of poems a success. The line that made me want more was-- "what girl did this?" maybe just a hint of whats being questioned here.. is the "girl" being blamed/blaming herself for the "years and the scars?" I know minimalistic and succinct is the trend in poetry..and sometimes (most times) less is more..and its something my far too long winded muse needs to learn..but sometimes I see in our efforts to be tight and succinct we cut away some of the poetic clues that allow the reader to grasp the full intend of the inspire. And sometimes I am just so dense.  But no..this poem is anything but bland. Its a unique collection of thoughts, images and word choices. That first line speaks to its unique and clever quality. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Hey Hush, I am in agreement with Janet here. I liked the minimalistic approach; but at the same thought a little more may be needful for the reader. Perhaps something to show the history of those years and scars. Should a hyphen be between cicatrix and latticework since cicatrix isn't an adjective? Or did you mean "cicatrix' latticework"? Interesting read. [This message has been edited by Essorant (11-06-2003 01:00 PM).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hush: Sounds to me like a woman who has recently had a child and bears the stretchmarks. This does, for the most part, work for me. The only crit is that the meaning of "what girl did this?" is not clear to me. It reads ambiguously ... is this girl the woman's daughter or is the woman talking about herself? It could be interpreted both ways, but maybe that's what you intended? Besides the one line I found problematic, I thought you pulled what you intended off quite well. Jim |
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Astro Member
since 2003-01-08
Posts 69Ca. |
Yeah, after the second reading, this made sense to me. Maybe this is outta left field, but it fits. This poem is about a snake! Snakeskin is definitely a latticework, and the shedding of skin would make sense if the poem is about a snake. The enigmatic "girl" might be Eve, who could be credited with the loss of the snakes legs, hips, etc. I doubt that's what you were going for, but it's kinds interesting how it fits. This could probably use a few more clues, and the wording of cicatrix latticework is nice to the ears, but hard on the brain. Hope that was helpful. Sight is an always awful beginning |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I just wanted to say thanks for the replies - kind of belated I guess? Anyway, Janet's the closest on the meaning of this, but I can see where Jim's coming from, and Astro as well to a degree. Her take on the 'what girl did this' line was pretty spot on. Thanks again. |
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