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Critical Analysis #2
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Brick
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Brick |
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punksmurf Junior Member
since 2002-01-01
Posts 37new hampshire, U.S. |
Brick if i were a brick i would light myself on fire and lift up,hurling myself into these shattering windows walls festered with lies and screaming silences filled with everything already said shouted, said wrong, said a million times light these lives on fire everything is true when it burns i would light up this dead town until all was left in ashes memories, with nothing left to remind us tear out these rotten roots build a new city on the smolder-flames just watch the explosions, bursting alcohol and melting mirrors, they never gave us what we wanted anyway always the wrong reflection, someone older, beaten down, someone deader and deflated that we ever knew but i would smash these walls and windows shatter this fake-plastic-glass past burn the memories from us start away, branch into us scorch the smell of sex, perfume and blood burn the blades,red from our own blood and pot smoke from us melt the plastic faces and blacken our true features to something real i grew up on movie scenes, and ice shattering in beer, broken dishes and knife-edged tears i became the smoke, molding to the shapes in the room watching the nothing pass waiting for my own features to push through i was the watcher, learining who would do what when but never realizing what would i? I WOULD BURN |
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| © Copyright 2002 Hilda MacKinnon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
First thing i have to say - is that the almost complete lack of punctuation throws me... but not as much as the few instances do. I would suggest, for clarity, to go one way or the other. Personally, i like punctuation... but that's a preference.  I don't care for "deader." Sounds wrong, and doesn't fit in well with that part. Perhaps "someone less alive, deflated..." ?Just a suggestion. quote:really dig this... i like the imagery and tone. fits well, but stands out, striking. Aside from that, the only other thing i would suggest is losing the ALL CAPS on the last line... definitely doesn't fit. If your point was to emphasize (which is my guess), i would italicize. As a whole, i liked this extended rant, and the coice of props. it played well into the harshness of the theme and imagery. Christopher |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Got to agree with Christopher on the punctuation and particularly the all caps line. That just doesn't look good, too internetty or something. Pete |
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punksmurf Junior Member
since 2002-01-01
Posts 37new hampshire, U.S. |
i kinna sorta suck at punctuation and don't know how to italicize on this site, i agree about the caps. |
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