Freinds: The Memories Of The Past

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Critical Analysis #2

Freinds: The Memories Of The Past

RedStoneEB
Senior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 772
uk

0 posted 2003-09-22 05:26 PM

Friends turned unknown, Form abandoned sides
Forever changing world explored, ageing over time
Grown into old, still togetherness existed in mind

An experienced past dreamt, peaceful thought repeated
Memories unfolded, drained happiness once foretold
Danced by riversides, golden fields explored, knee high grass
Brushed against skins, absorbed summers air breathed in.

Preyed on souls, laid bounded, grass tangled flesh
Sprinkled dust, thickened air, sounded alert
Footstep soon heard, crushed particles to soiled earth.

The game, Hide and seek, a childhood joy
Wondering hands, scratched skin, Blooded bladed grass
Touched lump, hidden away, covered in blankets
Made of nature, brought to life by a child’s mind.

Awoken wide-eyed, memory emptied away
Sweat covered face, lasted evidence, dried
Dreamt world died, a forever ended game.

Past life vanished, present day remains
Death of childhood friends, reconnected
Thoughts cry tears, the grief submerged.

Closed eyed body, Drowned By Flooded memories
Rots to dusted air, at last set free from this earth
Swarmed essence, breezed to heavens gate.

Lee Hepworth

Marty Baird
Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 90
Georgia, U.S.

1 posted 2003-09-23 05:56 AM

There is a lot being said in this poem.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2003-09-23 11:29 AM

But I think it suffers from lack of action. What I see here is a long string of colorful but disjoint adjective phrases. It doesn't really go anywhere or do anything.

lace_of_light
Junior Member

since 2006-08-02

Posts 44

3 posted 2006-08-02 03:32 AM

i've always been a fan of your work, Red. but i can't find the one with
"melt you like a snowflake and kiss away your pain" in it. i really like that one.

Are you cold inside?
I am

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