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Critical Analysis #2

untitled

rose
Member

since 2003-08-02

Posts 53

0 posted 2003-08-17 02:04 PM

Green does not describe
this shining softness—jade—
Darker veins
divide but also unify,
paint designs,
spread delicate threads outwards—
The edge curves softly,
only barely jagged—
The shape, round, graceful
is a study of symmetry and perfection—
Caressing a flower,
supporting her in her languishing beauty,
the leaf joins to a slender stem.

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2003-08-18 01:07 PM

Hi Rose,

I think this is quite beautiful...the description is exquisite. Nice work.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

raevynsbreath
Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 64
Mi, USA

2 posted 2003-08-18 04:00 PM

well done indeed.
the imagery is beautiful. well described.
there is only a small punctuation issue i have with this.
it follows the line
"paint designs,
spread delicate threads outwards-"
that comma is really not needed in that phrase because it all flows together so there is no need for a break.
other than that.
beautiful.
always.
_rae

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