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Critical Analysis #2
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the same as it began
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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the same as it began |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
so you're walking down this broken road again you're looking for the way to show you home again you made it through it piled up and then you ran it was the same as it began so here we are living another misery pushing through minds filled with nothing you took my hand we made it through it piled up and then you ran it was the same as it began so this is civilized travesty a coward faced man in a place where is fear is faster than his mouth i'm so surprised [sorry for wasting your time] the silence fills another empty void there is nothing out here but everything waiting for your arrival the madness fills the nooks it fills the space you used to stand the tears they fall harder than before small drops make small puddles on the floor so you've found your broken road again you've found your way home again again again civilized travesty become the end of me i'm surprised i'm so surprised i'm surprised [sorry for wasting your time] |
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| © Copyright 2003 _rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi, I liked this a lot, though I feel it needs some tidying up, and tightening up. I really liked the first five stanzas, though in the third, I think you meant "his" instead of "is" in the third line. I feel the poem would benefit from eliminating the last stanza, and the bracketed lines. Also of benefit would be punctuation...it would really help. Basically, though, I genuinely liked this, and think it is more than worthy of reworking. The words are there...that is the critical part, and it is already done, and done well. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
i appreciate your comment very much. i'd like to let you know that i did mean "is" in the third line, third stanza, however, "his" seems to enter in much better. i hadn't thought about that. thank you. also, the whole poem is fit to be a song, so the last stanza would basically end it in a drifting fade sort of way. but i do respect what you have said. and i thank you again. always. _rae |
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