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Critical Analysis #2
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Whiling away
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Whiling away |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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Here I sit and often stand, following the day I was spewed from the mother carriage. Well I popped out screaming "take me back I demand!" but they just cut the anchor and let me float out along the tracks resting there in a jam, to wait out the delay between stops; that elongated jump from womb to tomb. Now I wonder should I take time to dance out in the mortal coil, to consume and feed the evanescent flames and in the lingering dusk plant my fake creation for end conquest? Sure my friend, it isn't all storms some rainbows have fallen upon my path. I got the Heavens for repose, hunger starves in earthen murmurs as I gaze on the jewel of woman. I lament for moths, as I do for the people falling idly into the path of destructive trains and evaporating in the pits, that is why I stay behind the yellow line, never daring to venture off the platform. From this vantage events unfold as a tapestry of sun, everything is all up in the air where my feet would chose to walk. No destination or key frame in hand, inspecting with dried eyes and shut mouth: this cavity makes a fine nest, it swallows me whole, dragging me deeper, it does seem that even in static there is motion. For though I dare not advance I can not hold fort in one place. Something drags me deeper within, down my rabbit hole Recessing, Recessing more… I think I have missed my connection… ---------------------------- "I see all my dreams come tumblin’ down I can’t be happy without you around So alone, I keep the wolves at bay And there’s only one thing I can say" Train in vain by The Clash. A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.oscar wilde |
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| © Copyright 2002 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
one more...just one, because I'm LAZY by nature... |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brian: I'm sorry this didn't get more attention. I think you have a fine work here. You've made good use of imagery and metaphor here to express both the lack of control we have in being spilled out into this world and the consequences of not acting when perhaps we should have. Although I found the rhyme of "stand" and "demand" a little jarring, and "spewed" evoked an image that was a little unsettling (having witnessed two such "spewings" myself - emotional, but hardly pretty), there were more than enough redeeming images and phrases farther along in the poem. "Elongated jump from womb to tomb" is an interesting and, well, elongated way to say "life" and while I was at first confused by the significance of the "evanescent flame," you didn't leave me hanging for long before you mentioned moths. The remaining portion of the poem is what I found most gripping. The picture of the commuter standing tentatively behind the yellow line so he does not take a leap of faith into destruction ... and at the time, perhaps, feeling the wiser for doing so ... later begins to wonder whether it's the risk that makes life worth the living. Thanks, Brian, for the read. It's was a good reminder of what I've missed about this "place." Jim |
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